I'm The Same Old Trouble

No Apologies: Closer to Closure

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 02:10:14 GMT

"No." I said stiffly.
"You can't say no, I already told there is no other way." Kaoru sighed-
"No."

"Cashel..." Kaoru groaned, "Don't make this hard on me."
"Hard on you? ...Oh, sorry. I'm only thinking of Kyo! The real victim here!" she stamped down her foot-
"...He'll be fine-"
"What do you know." she's mad at me and has the car door locked-
"I'll go find him..but you have to stay with Die and Shinya..."
"No."
and we were back to where we'd started...

"Kaoru...I'm not some damsel. I can help." she muttered-

"I can't put you at risk..." Kaoru shook his head-

"Why?!" she demanded-

"...Kyo would kill me."

Silence...then the door unclicked and she clambered out...

"Fine, but I'm not happy about being ms. protected. Understand?" she hisses.

"Yeah, yeah." Kaoru smiles and leads her into Die's office...

--------------------------------------------------

"Hello?" Kaoru didn't know how he did it...
He was just amazing...It hadn't taken him long to find the flashy buisness this Murata kid did...He'd left his tracks out in the open all the way to the door of this warehouse and now...

He snuck inside...It was completely dark...
"Fuck..." he grunted and went searching for a source of light only...
He banged into something and ended up sprawled out on the floor- hands scraped up.

"..Kaoru?" he recognized the voice, but took out his gun anyway-

"K-Kyo...are you alone?"

"No, idiot! I'm having a fun little slumber party in this fucking warehouse with all my little mafia friends- WILL YOU GET THE FUCK OVER HERE!?"

Kaoru twitched at Kyo's tone, "You know...talk to me like that and I may not help you out-"

"Fuck you, man..." Kyo grumbled, "I'll get out on my own..."

"Hang on...where's the fucking lightswitch." grumbled Kaoru-

"I thought you liked it better in the dark-" sneered Kyo...even in the pure black Kaoru could make out Kyo's face...

"Ha ha ha...Look she's worrying about you, so I gotta hurry this up- so if you could be helpful." began Kaoru-

"It's near the left of the main hanger's door." Kyo said simply- ugh, I moved toward it...and click! Haha! Success!

I was blinded for a second, "Damn, fucking bright!"

"...Well, it's on." Kyo was locked up in the center of the room, the cage he was in was rusty for one but looked like it could cage a dog...

"I guess they took your name to heart..." Kaoru muttered, running his fingers over the metal-

"If you don't open this thing..." Kyo warned, "I will bite you through the bars and give you fucking rabies! OPEN IT!"

"Yeah, yeah-" Kaoru muttered pulling his hand away and clicking open the lock on the door-

Kyo crawled out...

"So, what now?" Kaoru helped him up...

"What now? Maybe you goodytwoshoe police men aren't familar with the term "Revenge"...Something I've been wanting for awhile."

"And exactly how are you going to get that?" blinked Kaoru-

Kyo's eyes flickered with something close to malice and disturbing thought...He'd been thinking while he'd been locked up...No doubt about it.

"Listen carefully, Kaoru. And do everything I tell you too do." Kyo smiled-

-----------------------------------------------

"Don't you worry..." Shinya offered her another cookie, never before had she thought she'd get sick of such sweets and refused, "They'll be back before you know it...Kyo is incredibly strong and Kaoru doesn't look it but...he's rather smart."

"Shinya..." I said quietly-

"N-nani?" Shinya tilted his head.

"Are you and Mr. Die dating yet?" I asked, it was probably the only way, and it did shut Shinya up and make him blush like crazy-

"w-whatever d-do y-y-ou mean?"

"Kyo...he told me Die likes you a lot...so I was wondering." smiled Cashel.

"Here..." Die entered, seeing Shinya rush out of the room head down he glared at her, "What did you do?"

"Nothing. I just told him to come to terms with his feelings for you." smirked Cashel.

"...If I wasn't allowed to inflict harm on patience..." Die grumbled-

"What's this?" I took the piece of paper from Die..."Niimura Tooru?" I blinked at the name on the piece of paper...it looked like your average day info sheet...for doctors...

"Kyo's file...from before. I thought it'd keep you busy." Die explained, I glanced up at him...

"This is highly confidential right? Why give me something like this-"

"...I think it's time you choose who's side your on." smiled Die and walked out of the room...

I looked down at the paper...should I read it?
It had everything about Kyo on it...but what if...I learned something about him I didn't want too...
Curiosity won...

I bent over to take in the words on it...

*
Stage Name: Kyo
*
Birth Name: Niimura Tooru
*
Position: Vocalist, Prophet, Policemen
*
Birth Date: February 16, 1976
*
Age: 30
*
Birth Place: Kyoto, Japan
*
Height: 5' 3"
*
Weight: 95 lbs
*
Blood Type: B
*
Zodiac: Dragon
*
Horoscope: Aquarius
*
Cigarette Brand: JPS, Philip Morris
*
Alcohol: Not much of a drinker
*
Color: White or black
*
Season: Spring (cherry blossoms)

For some reason...I felt let down. This wasn't all that interesting...
but then-

Was once a member of the mafiosi but upon a quick interrogation came to the police force. He works hand in hand to get into all of the mafiosi cases and using the knowledge he has to assist in the capture of the leader of the mafia-

my fingers trembled over the names listed, he'd released to the police force and these names he'd promise to capture...and deliver...

Given Names:
-Kirito Shinya Murata
-Aiji or Ai.
-Jun of 2nd district.
-Violetta Mafiosi
-Old Mafiosi (Viola's father)
-Mr. Hidelow of 3rd district
-Cashel Hidelow, his daughter

"no...no..."

Suddenly the glass of the window next to me shattered and whoop rang out near my ear- I felt someone grab me from behind and pull me up onto their shoulders- I clung to that paper like it was all I had as I screamed and kicked not wanting to be carried away-

"LET ME GO!" I screamed, I saw Die and Shinya get taken out as I was led off-

"Kill them if necessary-" came the order from my kidnappers little walkie talkie- It was Kirito's voice-

"KIRITO! YOU SON OF-" I was knocked out, I guess- the world went black-

--------------------------------------------

Drawing the vague meeting that he had been watching
Why is he trembling? From the feeling that rises up, the boy
Shoots arrows of sound in the changing sky

"...now, I win." Kirito smiled as he put down the walkie talkie and smiled out the window of his limo-

"Yes...sir. Jun and Aiji are dead. Just as you thought..."

"Shame. Kyo got to them." he sighed, shaking his head..."But he'll be dead soon."

"Yes, sir." bowed his servant.

"And I will own the mafia...just as my father wished." he sighed, tilting his eyes to the sky above, "...with her as my wife."

"I see, sir."
-------------------------------------------------------

"SHUT UP!" Kyo shouted, kicking her to the ground-

She let out a shriek of pain, and stared up at him with her big dark eyes, "How can you-"

"It's either you or me..." he breathed, "And I won't die...So I guess it's up too you." he smiled knowingly.

"No," she choked, "Please...don't-"

Whatever she was going to say, it didn't matter since Kyo brought the barrel of his gun down on her head-

"Like I told you before...you have to kill yourself for her."
------------------------------------------------------------

"We're here!" the driver smiled promptly-

"Very good..." Kirito opened the door to the limo and stepped out into the crisp evening air...he would see her now...Cashel had sent him a simple notice like the ones you got when you joined the mafia...so cute-

Dear Mr. Murata,
If you feel so empty
So used up, so let down
If you feel so angry
So ripped off so stepped on
If you feel so filthy
So dirty so fucked up
If you feel so walked on
So painful so pissed off

If you feel so empty
So used up, so let down
If you feel so angry
Just get up...

Most Sincerely,
One who G.O.A.

He smiled down at the typed words...But he knew his lover, Cashel...she was the only one who'd gotten out alive besides him-

If you feel so empty
So used up, so let down

He'd planned this all from the beginning. They'd be married and have little mafia babies together now...He knew she'd cave.

If you feel so angry
So ripped off so stepped on

She secretly did love him- If those police hadn't gotten involved-
He would have her...Even if not by her choice.
She was the only way to keep carrying the family name now that they were all dead-
The others...

If you feel so filthy
So dirty so fucked up

Get Out Alive.
He'd succeded. So had she. He had too.

One who G.O.A....
He'd never thought on those words-
But...

As he entered the small warehouse and flicked on the lights, even as they blinded him the sight before him made him gasp- No...

There hanging from the ceiling- by a single rope was a pair of feminie legs...a long black dress on her form her neck hung high above him-

"...no..." he choked running forward, reaching out to her- "CASHEL! NO!"

she spun above him, in a way...it was ironic- She'd claimed she'd gotten out alive but- had she...

As he reached up for her, to him she seemed more lively then anything-
his shaking fingers pulled and pulled at her legs, now limp and dead from the hanging body...

Sincerely,
One who Got Out alive

She'd hung herself...obviously. No one else had killed her...so technically she had died alive...if that made sense-

He pulled her down and pulled her close to his chest cradiling his fading dream only-

"Get out alive...remember? Kirito..." he knew that voice and looked up to see Kyo holding a gun straight at him-

"...Kyo-"

"Don't even try-" Kyo began but he held up the girl-

"Want to shoot me? You'll have to shoot your princess?" laughed Kirito-

"Sicko..." sneered Kyo, "I promised her alive to the police. Ain't that right? Cashel?" he turned to his side-

Out of the shadows of the warehouse she stepped...Her long curly brown hair framing her lightly tinted with pink cheeks face...smile and all- Kaoru's arm on her shoulder as he steady his own gun on Kirito-

"But no- she's here..." he looked down at the body he was using as a shield-

"Take a closer look, buddy." smirked Kyo...

Kirito glared at them before turning the body over...his eyes widened as Viola's dead eyes stared back at him...

"I'm not the only female member of my family..." Cashel said swiftly.

"No! YOU FUCKING SON OF A BIT-" his plan, he struck out only-

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Kyo fired and Kirito felt the bullets dig into his body, his heart as he fell dead next to Viola..."...I failed.." he choked before he faded away...

"...Get out alive..." Kyo said straightening up and looking at Cashel, "While you still can."

"Hai." she nodded only- Kyo took her hand and pulled her away from the scene...

"Let's go. He'll be found soon."

"Hai." Kaoru nodded, "...so Kyo that's everyone on your list."

"Yes." said Kyo before looking at Cashel..."Except one."

She froze and shook, staring at him, "You're going to kill me..."

"No..." he said, "Just need to make sure you won't talk..."

"H-how?" she choked-

He moved forward, she tensed and pressed his lips against hers in a very slow gentle kiss- he pulled away and smirked at her tinted cheeks-

"W-what?"

Kaoru chuckled and leaned in to whisper in her ear, "You won't...talk now? Right?"

"No." I won't talk.

So now you know...
And this is now just for you...

If you feel so empty
So used up, so let down
If you feel so angry
So ripped off so stepped on
If you feel so filthy
So dirty so fucked up
If you feel so walked on
So painful so pissed off

If you feel so empty
So used up, so let down
If you feel so angry
Just get up...

Most Sincerely,
One who G.O.A.

生きてから抜け出す

OMGOMGILISTENTOMOREPIERROTTHENUUUUUU!~

Thu, 29 May 2008 00:20:32 GMT

Dude...I didn't think it was possible.
But our fandom...well mine and a few drama queens...as far as I can tell...Well the fandom seems to be going downhill from well...worse to worse.

I've kept quiet for awhile now...Just observing...But now I think I need to say something to save my family as much as I can.

ow
thanksssss

(Reply to this)

[info]nagashiwa
2008-05-28 04:34 pm UTC (link) Track This
omg thank you so much!!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

[info]nagashiwa
2008-05-28 05:26 pm UTC (link) Track This
but not al photos are so beautifull .__.;;

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

[info]kozabo
2008-05-28 05:39 pm UTC (link) Track This
eeeeeeeeee.....???????????........for my opinion they all look great...especially when you look at the original paper copy....

Angelo tour photo albums are not as good as Pierrot`s, believe me..

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

[info]nagashiwa
2008-05-28 05:54 pm UTC (link) Track This
noo they aren't great..
it doesn't matter if it is on orignal paper.. just I don't like all of them.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

[info]kozabo
2008-05-28 06:00 pm UTC (link) Track This
Then delete them all from your computer and forget about this tour pamphlet ever existed.
This is the only advice.
If you don`t like these photos, that doesn`t mean that they are bad...Just not your taste...

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

[info]nagashiwa
2008-05-28 06:04 pm UTC (link) Track This
they are bad.. just.. yeah.. and really not my tast.

nya but some of them are beautifull.. but yeah not all..

.__.;; its not that I don't like the boys..
just I don't like the photos..
but yeah.. its the tast of the photographer..

But hey.. I don't delete anything of pierrot .. (I never delete photos/pictures)
don't forget i'm a designer ^^;; soo maybe.. I can use them for something.. for inspiration.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

[info]nagashiwa
2008-05-28 06:37 pm UTC (link) Track This
I just don't really like the blurry ones..
and some others..

the A side is the best part.

Aiji has the best pictures of all :p
Kirito pictures mhm.. I just only like 2 of them ^^;;

but still they are cool for my collection.
So i'm still happy with them.. just don't forget that..
i'm always happy if you scan photobooks, phampets and so on ^^

(Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]sevensign
2008-05-28 05:31 pm UTC (link) Track This
thanx!!!!

(Reply to this)

[info]unknown_eyes
2008-05-28 06:05 pm UTC (link) Track This
You should post all of this PIERROT stuff in [info]pierrot_support, not [info]angelo_reborn, ne?
It's not Angelo stuff...

Thanks though. :\

.unknown.eyes.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

[info]kozabo
2008-05-28 06:11 pm UTC (link) Track This
Ok..they I will never-never post anything of Pierrot here again...I won`t post it anywhere..The same about Kirito...Are happy now?
You all got me...

I`ve been doing these scans for the whole week...and what instead? You don`t like what I`m posting? Then I won`t post it at all...never..anything of my stuff I have.........

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

[info]nagashiwa
2008-05-28 06:16 pm UTC (link) Track This
but don't stopp with scaning pierrot stuff T_T;;

(Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]unknown_eyes
2008-05-28 11:01 pm UTC (link) Track This
No, hun, don't take it that far. o_o
I appreciate the scans and I love looking at PIERROT, because they were afterall my favorite band. I just thought this community was made for Angelo, not PIERROT, ne?

Not being a bitch to you, sweetheart. You know I love you.
Just making a comment. ♥

.unknown.eyes.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]nagashiwa
2008-05-28 06:15 pm UTC (link) Track This
why not..

Angelo = just pierrot only without 2 man .__.;;
so.. whatever..

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

[info]unknown_eyes
2008-05-28 11:03 pm UTC (link) Track This
See my response to her. :3;

I'd hope the members of Angelo didn't intend fans to think of Angelo like that...it's a different band. They have a different overall feel, ne? Am I the only one who see this? ^^;

.unknown.eyes.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

[info]kozabo
2008-05-28 11:11 pm UTC (link) Track This
Bands are different ...people are the same:))) (at least the bigger half)....

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[info]unknown_eyes
2008-05-28 11:14 pm UTC (link) Track This
Exactly. :3

.unknown.eyes.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]nitanitachan
2008-05-28 07:13 pm UTC (link) Track This
sorry to pop in here, but I just can't keep quiet...

first, you could have asked her, to post it in that pierrot community, or at least cross-post, not uhm demand it *sounds like that, sorry*

second, it's allowed here to post about pierrot

third, not all people in this community are in pierrot_support, so a post only there would reach not all people, and if the community is dead *I don't know if it is* then first ask the mods to do something against that, this will encourage more people to post.

I don't want to bemean or anything, but kozabo is so nice to offer this scans, so it shouldn't matter where, and now she seems to be pissed... looks like many scans will now be only for her and maybe a few other people ;-;

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

[info]unknown_eyes
2008-05-28 11:08 pm UTC (link) Track This
See my response to her. :3;

I didn't mean that to come of as a demand. XD; I seem to come across as a bitch 99% of the time and I really don't mean to. I guess I just don't have a "tender" way with words and [info]kozabo and I have a rocky friendship because I can never say the right thing. .__.;;

She could link to the post. But because that's suddenly against the rules, I guess people could join [info]pierrot_support or any of the other PIERROT communities if they want PIERROT stuff. Sad truth is I bet most PIERROT communities are dead...or dying. Such a great band and people move on so quickly...

She's a sweetheart and I try to say thank you and compliment her on being so nice to the members here when I see these scans posts. ♥ Just as I said to her, I thought this was an Angelo-only community.

.unknown.eyes.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]alizamarie_chan
2008-05-28 08:12 pm UTC (link) Track This
Well, i think it`s kozabo`s own decision where she wants to post her scans or videos.
Plus read rules.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

[info]unknown_eyes
2008-05-28 11:09 pm UTC (link) Track This
Mm.

.unknown.eyes.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]alizamarie_chan
2008-05-28 08:03 pm UTC (link) Track This
WA! love this scans!!
Blue scans rock my heart <3333333333
thank you so much for your heard work!!

(Reply to this)

[info]myriadborealis
2008-05-28 10:48 pm UTC (link) Track This
Thanks so much! Hard to believe that six years ago...I've been listening to these guys for a while ._. Anyways, these are gorgeous...scary what's been going on in this thread, but I'm totally with you ;)

-------------------------------------

Wow....Just wow...O_O
If I may as a bystander and a amused fan of drama at it's lowest forms...May I just say-

SHUT UP. Please...Dear god, look at yourselves!
What would Kirito-sama or any of the guys think of you! Groveling and clawing at each other like a bunch of bitches on My Super Sweet Sixteen Birthday party on MTV (NOTE: AMAZING GOOD FOR LULZ! HAVING A BAD DAY? TURN IT ON YOU'LL BE LAUGHING YOUR ASS OFF. /END NOTE)
Here's a new plan...How about instead of arguing over dumb things like:
-Who CD covers/ pamphlets are better: Angelo or Pierrot
-Or how different Pierrot/Angelo are...
-Or who listens to more Pierrot then anyone else...(Heard that one a few times...)
LET'S FOCUS ON THE MUSIC. THE GOOD GODDAMN THING YOU GOT INTO IT FOR~ Pictures are great and everything...But last time I checked Pierrot is Pierrot. Angelo is Angelo. LM.C is LM.C. and AlVino is well...You guess I'm not one to enjoy repeating myself- I'm sure you can figure it out.

I'm not alone. I already know that.
I'm a member of the Pierrot family here and from what I can see our ability to get along is as bad as a band that DISBANDED. ~~Ouch, may of hit a homerun with that one.~~ I'm not one to attack, nor is any other fan to attack PIERROT.
SPECIAL HINT: THEIR FANS. FANS LOVE SOMETHING WITH ALL THEY HAVE!
Let's all just take a deep breath and think this over-
If you can't get along with someone DON'T FRIEND THEM. This is the internet people, somewhere on the line you can cut the connection. Not rocket science.
Again, not trying to be snobby or bitchy here- Just saying.
This sight is not just recent. I've seen it repeated.
kozabo is a good fan as is whoever started the argument... It's not a big deal if they don't like the pictures...But ALSO trying to just pick yourself up to say "I would never delete anything Pierrot" well honestly...that's just a given. Let's not try to one up each other, okay? No one here is from first grade and has a better opinion then anyone else.

Fans are fans...
And love it or hate it.
They like what you like.
So don't hate them.
Hate the fact you like what they like-
And if your weak enough to hate that enough- And stop loving Pierrot.
You weren't a real fan to begin with.

Elementary, My dear Pierrot fans. Elementary. ♥

No Apologies: Caged Jealousy 4/?

Tue, 06 May 2008 17:41:50 GMT

Since that day I didn't know what to about him
for some reason my heart has rejected (him)
His form is changing, far away but all too close
Should I wear a mask, so I can hide my face drawn with tension
when I'm with him.
my heart lost in my body will someday leave me

Dear Mr. Niimura,
It is our pleasure to accept you into the family. We would like to see you at our meeting place for your instruction and if any authorites are called you will find yourself at a rather bitter end of a rather terrible situation...
We look forward to seeing you there.
Sincerely,
Mr. Murata

How long had I been here...In this retched business.
How long back had it been...I couldn't remember a time when I was stuck here...
The life wasn't all it was made out to be...It was like a cage. You had to follow the rules of those higher up or you would be trounced on...
So I did. And proudly I never once made a total fool of myself. Until...
The idiot son of the man who'd brought me into this buisness made me.
For that I hated him. And the minute I could get my revenge...Get even.

Deeply jealous will you always be this cold blooded?
Even now I don't want to forget the abuse of my youth.

"Kyo, I will ask you once more...What were you doing there?

My eyes slowly rose to glare at the cop who was glaring down at me from his spot on the other side of the interrogation table...He was simple looking enough. I could remember his ridiculous face easily...Get a few men to destroy him once this was over and my life would go back to the way it was before...That asshole ruined everything.

I can't laugh like I used to,
I'm not the same person...

Kyo...What were you doing at that place? You do realise it was...a normal meeting place for mafiosi? Die had tried too, good old Dr. Die...It had been such a waste and in a way I could easily blame myself for his failure in the higher up situations....
Yes, the life outside of the one I was living...The one of crime was just as built up as the one the normal average day person seemed to live...Follow thier rules and you don't get hurt.

The man slammed his hands down on the interrogation table, making my head snap up at him again to glare evenly at him as he glared down at me, "Tell me!" he ordered, "You aren't even really named Kyo...Are you?"

"..." I would get this guy to tell me his name and then I'd report him back to Mr. Murat-

"Okay..." he seemed to lean back from the table as if giving up...As the solitary light in the interrogation office wiped over his face I saw the aggravatingly strict curves that formed it and the unruly gold brown hair that lay atop his head...

"...Just give up." I said simply, "You'll be dead by tomorrow night."

"...I guess." he sighed and yet he seemed to be smiling, I frowned darkly at the sight.

"What do you have to be happy about?" I snapped at him making him look at me in surprise, "You aren't going to get anything out of me or of anyone. Your the law and no one really likes your side-"

"Funny to say, that's true..." he chuckled and I grit my teeth out of aggravation, "But in all fairness...no one really likes your side either." he grinned at me, "They just pretend too."

"...What do you kno-"

"Only as much as I've read." he admitted and plopped down in the seat across from me, "...and besides hating me won't get you anywhere."

"...Why's that?" I was willing to play his game if only he didn't get anything out of me.

He seemed to hum lightly to himself and tap his noggin knowingly, "Well, in all fairness I don't really know...why you'd want too. I'm an idiot. I'm not gonna get anything out of you. And of course, your in love with this work-"

"I'm not in love with it." I snarled.

"Yes, well...I guess one would assume."

"You assumed wrong." I glowered at him, folding my arms.

"...So, Kyo..." the agent sighed and leaned down against the table to stare up at me, "If you don't like it...why work for it?"

"...What other choice do I have, genius?"

"...Well, you could always...work here..." the man smiled and I was up.

"I don't think so." I said walking to the door, "I don't work with idiots-"

"...But if you did...Wouldn't that put you incharge over all of us?" with that long pause, my hand on the door knob...I realized he was right...Really right. The security guard glared warningly back at me from right outside that door...But if I were to work on this side...I could control that muscle head and everyone else...I could...

Look at me being unwilling, fiercely and then gently, a forced decision
which I can't say I've made to you.

I turned back to the other man who smiled knowingly at me, "Hey, the name is Kaoru." he said, grinning like crazy.

I think I've found a break in this filthy cage.

A wounded heart will fade away
the love is destroying you, in full bloom with the flowers.

--------------------------------------------------------------

"Good morning..." the leer is anything but what I need to hear at the moment. I peek open an eye, I feel my head and vision swoon together...Everything isn't really coming into focus...I've obviously been completely whacked out.

"...you.." I grunt and the snicker is only followed by that dizzying haze that comes with being knocked out and drugged...

"Miss me, kitty cat?" I growl lowly and glare out through the bars at the man I could only just make out. He wasn't the one I was truly thinking of...since his father was no longer alive but...

"...you..."

"Is that all you can say, pussycat?" he teases and I try to stand only to feel a sharp jab in my side, "Aw, did I forget to mention your not leaving." I crumble to the ground in the cage and just glare up as best I can...I'm shirtless for some fucking reason...And he's certainly amused.

"...I hate..."

"Ah, but I already knew you hated me." he laughs, "after all the little stunt you pulled before on me certainly was enough wasn't it?" his dark eyes are still bright somehow and reflect so much loatheing I need to lower my head...."So what? You thought you could hurt me again by taking it all away? Again?"

"...I fucking hate..."

"Don't even speak you asshole." he leans in toward the bars, I wish I had the strength to strike out at him, "...You tried to take her away. And for that I'll kill you here. You son of a bitch..."

"...Brother?" a young man I don't recognize stands up beside him, "We musn't kill him off yet...the police get whiff of it..."

"I know, Kohta." responds the one I hate, "...We'll let him starve of his own accord."

"Asshole!" I growl.

"See you, Kyo. It was a pleasure seeing you again..." he turns away and I stand up wanting to get the hell out of here...a key, something- but another jab to my side and I'm down again-

"...you bastard...." I growl reaching out after him, my bloody shaking hand in front of me, "...Kirito."

No Apologies: Your Star -3/?

Mon, 05 May 2008 23:27:13 GMT

I can't see your star.
I can't see your star.
Though I patiently waited, bedside, for the death of today.
I can't see your star.
The mechanical lights of Lisbon frightened it away.

I just stared up at that ceiling...I didn't know what else to do. Kaoru had basically refused to talk to me since I'd thrown the book at him in the library...and then closed the door in his face on the way out of the car...But you know, that goofy face of his was asking for it. And me? Getting pregnant? Disgusting pig, men are all the same...

A knock made me sit up and glance at the door as Kyo peeked his head in to say goodnight, "Don't stay up too late...Kaoru is pouting out here in the kitchen..."

"Okay, night."

Kyo nodded and closed the door behind him with a click.

Instead I sat back down to recite a poem I'd only heard a little earlier...It was one my mother had taught me as a child...and it calmed me when things got to hectic...

My mother...She had been someone I truly could look to if I ever needed guidance...Had been...That was of course before he was born...

So far away.
It's growing colder without your love.
Why can't you feel me calling your name?
Can't break the silence,
It's breaking me.

But she was gone and all I had left was that accursed reminder...

Look to the sky my darling...Look to the sky and you will always see me there.
You will always see the same star I'm looking at...down on you from afar...

Of course, I know better. Even as a child the idea that the dead were watching over you from the stars they'd become after their death was, well, ridiculous...

That was my mother...always the dreamer. Father used to say that was why he fell in love with her...

Men just adore dreamers, Cashel, honey! It's so attractive!

...Well then, if that's what men liked. I'd rather just not dream. Not speak. And just let them rot in their own disgusting hell. Men, urgh...

Another knock on my door...Told me Kaoru was out there.
"I made you dinner!" he called, "It's delicious! Will you come out and eat it?"

"..." I rolled over and pulled the cover over my head.

"You know if you don't answer...it doesn't count." he was complaining now, the little...

"...Go away." I whisper only for myself to hear.

"Please...say something..." he mutters and I hear the thud of his body against my door, "It...doesn't make sense...Why did you stop talking..."

And I'm alone now,
Me and all I stood for.
We're wandering now.
All in parts and pieces, swim lonely, find your own way out.

"...please?" he's getting quieter like he's fading away but he's not actually gone...I know he's right there and I hate him...

"Go away." I say louder and I hear the thud of him stumbiling up, "..."

"D-DID YOU JUST TALK?!" he shouts through the door.

"KAORU I SWEAR TO GOD! IT'S 2-IN-THE-FUCKING-MORNING! GO TO BED." Kyo saves me yet again, "OR I WILL DRUG YOUR PANCAKES AND YOUR COFFEE TOMORROW AND NOT ASK DIE IF YOU HAVE OD'D! UNDERSTOOD?"

I hear Kaoru sigh and knock lightly on my door...But he speaks so quietly, "...Thank you..."

"..." I peek out from under my covers and shiver, Thanks for what?

"I'M GOING TO BED!" he shouts.

"THEN GO YOU SORRY PIECE OF ASS!" Kyo is pissed and I curl up tightly on my comforter...

Telling myself the poem my mother always told me as a child...
Over and over...until I'm asleep...

The stars sparkle brightly out of my window and over me...Always there, always watching.

------------------------------------------------

"SECOND APPOINTMENT!" cheers Kaoru, I'm dumbstruck.
Kyo is waving after us as we pull out...Kaoru is taking me alone. I'm petrified.
The only person I've trusted with my life so far has been Kyo...weird as that sounds. And Kaoru...is just...Not someone I would trust anything too, let alone my life.

"..." I put my hand up to the glass window to wipe away the fog made by the heater in the car, Kaoru has it on pretty high since the weather is back to being cold and foggy...

As always, he takes my silence as an insult on his person..."So, er, how are you today?"

He never learns...Yes or no. I can only do those. I'm not interested in answering his dumb obvious questions!

"..." I glare at him.

"Oh, okay...Uh, well Kyo was always better at translating silence." he laughs and I just roll my eyes at him. I know I'm not being fair. I'm not giving him even a chance...But as I see it. I've given to many people chances and all they do...is hurt me.

Aiji...Jun...Kirito... What are they doing now?

"Mind?" Kaoru asks pointing to the radio knob, I shake my head...And he clicks it, on.

GOOD MORNING! THE WEATHER SURE IS SHITTY THIS SATURDAY! And it looks like we'll only be repeating this mess of fog and rain for a few weeks!

"Oh, great..." Kaoru grumbles. Somehow, I'm not surprised he talks to his radio...

So get on those gloves, hats and coats.

It's around then he spares me a fully body glance, and frowns, "You need to cover up, kiddo."

I fold my arms like a stubborn five year old and stamp my foot, NO.

"...You could get sick."

And I glare at him to clearly translate my thought (Kyo's been helping me with it), AND YOU COULD GET YOUR CROTCH BASHED IN AGAIN. Nice to say he turned right around and focused on the road grumbling to himself. Yes, go girl power!

Finally we arrived at the GREAT DR.Die...I didn't hate this guy. In fact, he'd been able to make me like him pretty damn quickly. Guess he just struck me as trustworthy...

Kaoru on the other hand...

"URGH! DAMNIT! I LOCKED THE KEYS IN THE CAR!" I sigh and turn around the car to poke open the old truck (Kyo again...) and pulled out the spare that Kyo had told me about hidden behind the spare tire, then handing them to Kaoru only to pass him with hands in my pockets, "Uh, thanks..." he muttered and watched me walk off.

----------------------------------------------------

"Ah! Cashelly!" Die was excited to see her back and Shinya had even prepared cookies and milk...Good old Shinya. Cashel was moving to the office already, not sparing me a glance but smiling along at Shinya...

"Kaoru!" Die greeted me with a good slap on the back, making me nearly throw up my cookie, "I gotta ask you something!" he points to one of the seats and I sit across from him...

"What?" I ask, swallowing down a glass of milk.

"...The girl..." Die sighs flipping through his sheets, "I wanted to ask Kyo some questions about her...But since you brought her and you are legally her guardian now?" he seemed questionable on this but I nodded back at him to continue...

"Yeah, so?" I asked.

"...Well, her not talking-"

"SHE DID! SHE SAID SOMETHING LAST NIGHT!" I announced proudly.

"...She did?" frowned Die.

"YEAH!"

"What was it?" Die blinked.

"...Uh, Go away." my face paled.

"..Oh, she was talking to you I presume?" Die sighed.

I nodded glumly.

"...Is there some sort of problem between you two?" Die asked.

"Ask her." I grunt, "She seems to have a lot against me."

"But not Kyo?" Die frowns.

"Tell me about it...Confusing as shit."

"...Could there be any reason you could think of for her to feel that way, Kaoru?" Die asked calmly.

"...Well, she is...I mean, I am..." I ruffled my hair nervously.

"Kaoru?" Die's gaze darkened, "You didn't do anything to her, did you?"

"WHAT? NO!" I jumped up, disgusted at the thought.

"...Well you did ask yesterday about her being pregnant..."

"I WAS JUST WONDERING, DIE-" Die was covering his ears ignoring me.

"...Well, she seems aggravated and frustrated with you...so tone it down and maybe you can worm your way into her heart?" Die offered.

"...Thanks, man. But really...Taking love advice from you?" my lower lip quivered at the thought...I was so close to laughing, "You who loves his man secretary?"

"...Shut up." Die warned.

"Ha, well anyway..."

"In all seriousness, I can understand why she may not like you. I was going to put a good word in for you, Kaoru...But now I'm not so sure-"

I was on my feet, er my knees begging him, "DON'T! PLEASE! DON'T DO THAT DIE!"

Die raised his head and worked out some cracks in it, "Alright...man...I'll try." he shook his head, "But it's patient confidentiality."

"Yeah." I nodded and sat back in my chair..."By the way, Die. That lab coat is new? When'd you get it?"

"When I got this job, Kaoru..." Die rolled his eyes and turned back around to go in his office...

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"What's the word, Shinya?" I chuckled as he waited by the door, I was surprised when he raised his head and he looked truly worried...

"...She's..."

"Yes?" I blinked.

"She's...crying."

"Crying?" I frowned, "Shinya? What happened?" I was staring him in the eye but he wouldn't keep mine in his...

"I-i just...I..." Shinya lowered his head, "I just wanted to know if she would like...to take some cookies home to her...mother..."

"Her mother?" Die muttered.

"Yes, it never said anything about her mother's death on the form."

"It didn't?" I looked down at it looking through...It didn't.

"No, her father's is recorded as was her brother's...But her mother's..." Shinya bit his lip, "So I just assumed...I mean, I thought..."

I put a reasuring hand on his shoulder, "It's okay Shinya...We'll figure it out."

"O-okay."

I entered the office, trying not to shake...A crying little girl...Was not one of the things I could handle perfectly.

----------------------------------------------------------

"Um,...uh...Cashel?" Die was here and as I curled up on my bed, back to him...Shinya hadn't meant to hurt me. I had been able to tell by his face. But I was a mess and just a mess...

"...Please...go away." I muttered quietly.

"...I know...and understand if this isn't...what you wanted to have happen." Die was trying to reason with me, like I was a pathetic little child, Oh, wait! That's right. I am.

"...no..."

"It's just we...have a lot going on and you do. And I know Shinya didn't mean too-"

"I know." I said sighing quietly to myself.

"...are you not ready to talk about your mother?" he asked and my head peeked up, I could see his office...I mean, I'd noticed. Unlike most doctors...Dr. Die didn't have any pictures of his family...

"...Why don't you have a picture of your family, Dr. Die?" I asked and I heard him choke on his own breath...

"...I just..."

"Is it because you couldn't?" I was speaking in the same way...the only thing my mother had truly left me. This cruel reading ability. I was a natural. It was something all women of our family could do impeccably well.

"...C-couldn't?" he choked.

"No, you could. If you wanted too. Couldn't you?"

"Cashel...could we talk about something else-"

"Oh, sure..."I chuckled my cackling laugh, it was much like one my darling deceased cousin used to do..."We can talk about my problems, my troubles and my awful mishaps...And not one peep of you."

"...Cashel."

"No, sir. I'm not interested." I put my chin back on my legs, I was wearing Kyo's jeans...

"..." now it was Dr. Dies turn to be quiet...

"So..." I sighed and shook my head, "Go ahead. Report me or do whatever. I don't care-"

"I'm in love with Shinya." he said all of a sudden and I froze- staring at the wall.

"W-what?"

"Yeah," he laughed weakly, "I'm in love with Shinya. I fell in love with him...in fact I hired him because of it...but...ever since he's just..."

"He won't love you back?"

Die chuckled, "This is interesting. I've never been analyzed by a patient?"

"Try it." I said curtly, "Loads of fun isn't it?"

Die sighed, "...But yeah, I can't have a family because I'm in love with a man." he shrugged.

"...Oh."

Die seemed to give up for a second, "I guess today is no good. We'll talk tomorrow."

I grunted and slowly turned around to lower my legs to dangle down by my seat, Die just blinked and I nodded for him to proceed, "You can go ahead. I'm all yours."

Die smiled like crazy, "Awesome." he said before picking up his notes, "Uh, so we'll move onto..."

"My mother." I said.

"Huh?"

"You wanted to know about my mother."

"Oh, right."

"She was the most beautiful woman in our family."

"Do you mean...your family? Or THE family?" Die asked.

"Both." I said.

"Then I bet you look like her?" Die smiled.

I rolled my eyes and leaned back in my chair, "Nice one, Dr. Die but your gay and those sort of advances won't get you anywhere."

He chuckled, "...So your mother? What happened?"

"..." I was silent for a moment and he watched me carefully...

And I'm alone now,
Me and all I stood for.
We're wandering now.
All in parts and pieces, swim lonely, find your own way out.

"She...left." I said simply.

"Left?"

"Yeah. It was when my brother..."

"Your brother? When he died?" Die frowned, leaning forward. I shook my head.

"No, she...just wanted to go away for a little bit."

"Go away..."

"Yes, somewhere far away. For a little bit. Dad said it would be good for all of us...So she did." I smiled weakly, thinking back to then...I'd said goodbye. Gotten a kiss on the forehead in return. She'd really loved me...But he...He was the son she'd always wanted.

"Do you know where?" he asked.

"...Lisbon."

"Lisbon?" he blinked.

"Yeah, it's a port in Portugal. The capital port." I smiled.

"Ah, did she always want to go there?" smiled Die.

"Yes, it was where my brother was born."

"...Ah, your brother..."

"Yeah."

"She must of been heartbroken."

"She was..."

"And yourself?" Die met my eyes and I nodded.

"...After all, she was a little angry with me."

"Angry?" frowned Die, "Why?"

I shrugged, "I told you. I killed him."

"But not purposefully."

"...Does it matter. She left me. And went with him."

"Went with him?" Die straightened up, "You mean he wasn't dead when she went?"

"No. He was just barely alive. He was really sick."

"I see...You must of been...heartbroken."

I shrugged, "He was a good guy, my brother."

"I see..."

"Not like that Kaoru." I grumbled, my fists tightened.

"Kaoru, huh?" Die smirked, "I see you two don't get along?"

All my fears turn to rage.

"No. I just...can't get him. He's so annoying."

"I see...Do you think in anyway your comparing him too Aiji, Jun, and Kirito?"

"...Maybe. A little..."

Die nodded, "Maybe..give him a chance? He's friend of mine. And a good guy."

I glanced at him darkly, "Did he tell you to say that?"

Die weakly grinned and held up his hands to show a pinched amount with his thumb and forefinger, "A little bit."

"Ah, thought so."

"But really! He's been there for me...for Kyo..." nodded Die.

"Kyo?" I blinked.

"Yeah...Kyo was lost before Kaoru." Die smiled, "Brought him into the agency actually."

"Kaoru did?" I blinked, "Kaoru made Kyo a FBI agent?"

Die winked, "Yup! But we don't talk about that anymore! So SSSH!" Die put his finger to his lips and I nodded vigurously.

"Okay, I understand!"

"Good girl!" Die ruffled my hair and passed me to the door, which he opened and Shinya was standing their holding out a tray of cookies-

"GOMEN!" he bowed.

I got up and took one, taking a bite I smiled widely at him, "YOUR FORGIVEN!" I beamed.

"F-forgiven?" Shinya looked up happily, and I nodded. Then looked to Die who nervously looked between us as if I was going to say something-

"Okay, well I'm off! Bye!" I waved and hurried into the waiting room-

"Your talking?" Kaoru looked up at me, he seemed calm and was looking through a magazine...

Could I really give this guy a chance?

And I'm alone now, me
And all I stood for.
We're wandering now.
All in parts and pieces, swim lonely, find your own way out.

Could I really trust him too take care of me? Not to hurt me? Or to hurt anyone else? How exactly had he saved Kyo? ...Was this all for real?

"ARGGGGGH!" Kaoru yelped and suddenly stood up wincing in pain.

"W-what?" I asked quietly-

"B-burn my tounge..." he murmured, poking it.

I rolled my eyes...Okay, how could I trust this guy not to hurt me when he easily hurt himself?

Now, I have nothing worth fighting for.
We're wandering now
All in parts and pieces, swim lonely,
find your own way out

-------------------------------------------------------------

I was just thinking to myself...Kaoru and Cashel should be back soon when-
The hands were around my neck. The snickering in my ear and the feel of a gun barrel to my head-
Now if I hadn't been here before...
If I'd never experienced this I would of freaked.
But I spun around to slam a fist into the person there but they were too good, they got me first-
Right in the chest and the laughing was all I heard before I was out.

Nice going Kyo.

No Apologies: Love is Dead - 2/?

Sun, 04 May 2008 19:36:31 GMT

He's back! He's back again...Just like before...

"Come here...Cashel..." he smiles and I toddle forward, just barely able to keep the feet working properly...In all fairness, I'm about 3. "Come on..." he gestures for me to hurry forward, his big hands only inches away...It's not fair, he keeps moving everytime I get a little further forward...

"Daddy-" I cry, hands stretching out for him, I'm just a child, waddling forward...

"Come on..." I take another step with my tiny little foot, "that's right..." he smiles, "You can do it..."

"D-daddy!" I cry as he moves a little further back.

"See...Your walking!" he cheers me on, but I guess he spoke too soon because I crumble to the ground, a little mess of wailing and tears...

"I'm...sorry. Princess, I'm so sorry." he says and I feel my head snap up, I'm no longer 3...I'm 17. And he's gone...Gone and never coming back...To help me walk again.

"Well, well, well..." comes the deep dark dreary chuckle from behind me, I spin around to face the one face I'd rather leave behind then keep having haunt me in my memories...

"...Kirito."

He smiles that wasteful pitiful smile, it still reaches my heart and I yearn to let loose some rage...

"You've grown..." he says.

"So have you, you filthy pig!" I snarl at him.

He ticks his tounge and shakes head head, lifting that jaw line of his into the air sternly, he's making himself seem better then me...I hate him. I hate all men. There all the same. Disgusting vile self centered egotistical things...That only listen to what's in their pants then what's in their hearts, all of them...all are the same.

"That's no way for a princess to act.." he says 'princess' like my father would, but it's a not so kind tone, "That man really spoiled you rotten...turned you into a brat..."

"YOU KNOW NOTHING!" I bark at him, my whole body is in fighting stance, I'll take him out if I have too...

"I know more then you think...You're not safe here." he nods around me, "You'll only get in further trouble..."

"SHUT UP!"

"It's true...Who's gonna save you?" Kirito's head still held high like he knows something, something he can never tell me...I have to figure it out by myself as his eyes deem down on me...

"...I don't need anyone to save-"

"It's those agents isn't it?" he snickers and I shudder, he does know...and I hate him for it. "You think the government can save you?"

"There...not like the government..." I argue but he just laughs a heartless cold laugh, jaw still up straight.

"...There all the same." his eyes linger away from me and I turn to see what he's looking at...It's the mansion. My home, it's back...But I burned it...

"...I don't need them to save me." I said cooly.

"No, you don't. But that doesn't mean they don't think so..." he sighs and glares back at me, "You'll turn into one of them one day...I'm afraid..."

"And what does that mean?" I snap.

"...You're one of us, Cashel. Viola was right. And you just won't admit it."

"I'm nothing like you!" I glare him down, not caring he won't meet my gaze.

"...And you're more like them?" he rolls his eyes and I see images of Kaoru and Kyo in my head...

"No, I'm not..."

"Exactly." he chuckles and lowers his chin for just a minute to finally meet my gaze, I straighten up expecting him to tell me that something the thing he's been hiding..."You will see they are nothing like they seem..."

"I think your fucked up."

"I'm not the one who refuses to speak, my dear." he bows graciously to me and I know he's waiting to say more but I'm done listening-

"Get out of my dreams you sick bastard." I order and he just raises that chin of his and smiles and in a flash-

I'm sitting up in my room. Kaoru's whistling can be heard from the kitchen...Is that bacon I smell?

"RISE AND SHIIIINE!" comes the call from outside, I groan and pull the covers back over my head...Maybe I could of stayed in my dream for a little longer...

--------------------------------------------------

The order came yesterday. For her to be sent appropriatly to the doctor in our profession. Kaoru and I aren't her parents but...guardian would suffice until another living relative came along...So far, we haven't found one. Shinya is all over it.

"RISE AND SHIIINE!" Kaoru's voice from downstairs makes me sigh, as I zip up my FBI jacket, it's going to be a long day...

"Did you drug the coffee?" I ask him idly, sitting down.

"Yes..." he says solemnly, "But I'll only give it out if she disagrees."

"Uh, huh." I nod and I sip my own cup...

Yesterday our conversation had taken on a new meaning...It was time for us to get to work. And being "bring you daughter to work day" practically...We'd made the perfect oppurtunity for it appear like Cashel wasn't...guilty of any gang raging...

"Hey!" Kaoru called down the hall, "WAKE UP!"

"..." Cashel trotted into the kitchen looking throughly ready to just plop back into bed, "..." she glared up at Kaoru darkly for waking her up, he just beamed back and handed her a plate of bacon...

"Good morning." I nod to her and she nods back and takes a seat next to me.

"We...uh, have something to talk to you about, Cashel." Kaoru insists to start off the day like this...and I know we might as well get it over with...

She glances up at him and then at me as I clunk my coffee cup down on the table, "Yes, Cashel...We need to bring you in for some...questioning..."

Cashel is up in a flash, the chair knocked over and her eyes wider then wide...I was ready for this and stand to warningly glare at her, "..." she shakes her head furiously back and forth...

"You have too. It's for your health." I warn. I've been patient, I tell myself...this healing process...We'd both agreed it wasn't working...

"WE CAN'T JUST SEND HER OFF!" I'd screeched at Kaoru only the day before as Cashel had locked herself in her room for the night...She rarely ate dinner now.

"It's not...sending off...But Toshiya says the boss really...needs to get her checked out. What if she's like...a big part of a new mafia based plan?" Kaoru looked around, paranoia easing out of him...

"You've read to many manga, Kaoru." I say darkly, "This is stupid."

"But necessary..." Kaoru sighs, I can tell he doesn't agree but he has to listen to those higher up, "...It'll just be Die. Maybe...he can figure this out...?"

"Die," I snort, "Kaoru! When has Die EVER figured something out we didn't already know?"

"...First time for everything?" he offers with a nervous smile, I race my fist as if to punch him in the stomach and he recoils nervously, "L-look! She needs us to do this okay! She's not getting better! and if...if it could be the truth...the worst truth..."

"What truth?" I snarl.

"...Well, Toshiya had some theories..." Kaoru muttered.

I glance him over carefully, "What kind of...theories?" I growl, knowing this is sick twisted fetish Toshiya were talking about...

"...Well he says she could be pregnant..." Kaoru twisted his hands, only to hide them under his armpits, as he crossed them overhimself.

"Pregnant?" I repeat quizzically.

"Yeah, Toshiya says being the next...heiress someone could of gotten her pregnant and she doesn't want to-"

"That is stupid."

"But there is a chance, Kyo!" Kaoru bit his lip.

A long pause before Kyo sneered, "You just...want to find out if she's pregnant so you can bang her don't you?"

"That is not the topic here!" Kaoru growled.

"Then how can you listen to Toshiya? She's not! I think a bulge would of appeared, don't you?"

"...I'm just saying checking is for the best..." Kaoru lowered his head, he clearly felt defeated and didn't know what else to do...

I can't blame him he's doing his job, and this is my job too. If Cashel were a threat...well, she is...but something tells me she's not...

Not yet.

"Alright..." I finally agreed.

"...She'll hate me." Kaoru whispered wanefully.

I nodded, "You and me both...Good luck to Die on this one."

"...." she just stared wide eyed between both of us, her feet stance told me she didn't want too but she would fight if she had too...

"It's a medical check up..." Kaoru tried to say, she just glowered at him, shutting him up...

"We...just need you to give it a shot.." I offer, but she returns the favor with a swift stamp of her foot and refuses to look at me...

I hear it then...A long sigh, but the sigh isn't forgiving or weak...It's done compromising...It's Kaoru.

"Cashel, you will go to this appointment, do you hear me?" Kaoru is moving toward her and she's looking around while still glaring at him for a weapon of some means, "...You have too. It's just for a check up and then you can go home and never leave the house again, I don't care. Just do this." he was in leader mode and I knew better then to interrupt or argue with him when he got like this...

She finally realized there were no weapons around her and turning back to Kaoru who was cool and swiftly right in front of her, "...Hmph-" she jarred her knee up right into his groin and he gasped falling over, OWCH.

She was running to the door but I grabbed her arms and pushed her down into the chair, "Gomen..." I say to her softly and she just lowers her head and shakes quietly...

I nod to Kaoru to get up, he does with amazing physique, while still limping and grabs the coffee cup...I take it from him and say, "Drink..."

She shakes her head, "..."

"Come on...drink...Cashel...come on." I'm talking gently and something in her wakes up...

"Come on..." I take another step with my tiny little foot, "that's right..." he smiles, "You can do it..."

She lets me bring the cup to her lips and sips it down weakly, only a little dribbles down her chin and I wipe it away, "There..." I smile weakly and she blinks up at me...

"All done?" I ask she nods and stands, "...See we won't hurt you..."

She's still standing and she stares back at me, questioningly...

"Wait, but the drugged cup-" Kaoru blinked, "...I thought-"

"I switched the coffee cups while you called her." I said simply.

"Wait, what?" Kaoru blinked.

"You got the drugged one." I said bluntly.

"SON OF A-" Kaoru was out on the floor in a second.

"Now...shall we go?" I reached out a hand for her to take and she nodded and took it...

After all, this life isn't about cornering someone. Or making them do something. It's not about apologizing... It's about getting even.

After getting Cashel in the car, I dragged drugged Kaoru along for the hell of it (also to make sure there wasn't an OD of whatever he put in that cup...Off to work.

----------------------------------------------

Ah! Friday! I love Fridays! Nice to just know soon I'll be off on weekend to maybe do something other then stay in this lousy office...Of course, I still needed Shinya to agree to accompany me...Damn him. Damn his silences...

A resounding but quiet knock on my door made me look up and speak of the devil there was Shinya, look quaint and nervous as always, "Yes?" I smiled up at him. Shinya was the secretary for our offices and the best there was in my opinion...Screw blonde bimbos in short skirts...Mmm, Shinya.

"...There is a new patient here to see you..."

"Who?" I blink, looking down at my schedule, "The only one I have is-"

"Kyo brought her in. Kaoru is passed out on the couch." Shinya nodded quietly.

I sigh, pushing myself up, "Sounds like a normal visit." I laugh, "Did Kaoru go drinking again?"

"No, I think...Kyo drugged him." Shiyna nodded again.

"...What?" I blinked and motioned for him to lead the way. Shinya led me down the hallway to the waiting room...

Soon enough Kaoru was totally out on the couch, but his eyes were open and he looked like he'd been drugged...He was also quite red in the face, whatever he'd gotten had taken an effect...Kyo was there on the other side of the room acting like he didn't know the poor man he'd obviously drugged...

and a girl was slowly using a magazine to fan Kaoru's face...

"If you keep that up, Cashel. When he wakes up...He'll probably just pass out again." Kyo admits and Cashel stops fanning Kaoru to nod back.

"Hey!" I smile around at the room.

"Die," Kyo gets up and I'm slightly taken aback, "Hey." I take a few steps back, pulling Shinya along with me..."

The girl seems to take notice and stands up too, "..."

"Nice to see you doing well, Kyo...Staying out of trouble?" I smile.

"Yeah," Kyo frowns up at me and looks over at the girl, "Here's your patient."

"...Which? The girl on the couch or the one standing now?" I joke and she just smiles lightly, "See? I made her smile!" I laugh a little, "Nice to meet you! My name's Dr. Die. It's a pleasure to meet you...?"

"..." she stares back at me blankly, and I blink...Great another quiet one!

"...Her name is Cashel." Kyo fills me in, "She's one of the resounding daughters of the last mafia boss..."

"M-Mafia boss!?" I squeak, feeling my limbs shake as I stare in shock at her and then move my vision slowly back to Kyo, "...Y-you're kidding!"

"...No."

"KYO! ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME KILLED?" I barked at him.

"...Her family is gone. They dispersed a little over a few weeks ago..."

"...Oh." I stop to look at Shinya to see if this was true, he nodded.

"..." she steps forward toward me and I straighten up and step back a little, but she reaches out her hand and I blink to slowly raise mine and shake her hand...She's smiling...Weird.

"Well, Cashel!" I smile, "Let's get you checked out...Um..." I turn her over to Shinya who smiles reassuringly back at her and nods for her to follow him to my office...

"...So..." Kyo looks up at me, "Kaoru is okay?"

I spare the guy on the couch a glance, "Yeah. He'll be okay. He'll wake up in a few minutes. Get him some water. He'll need it."

"Okay." Kyo nodded.

"Is there anything in particulr you think I should ask?" I adjust my lab coat.

"...No." Kyo says but then seems to rethink it, "Try to figure out why she won't talk."

"...She did..before?" I blink, I'd always just thought of quiet people as quiet. But maybe...Shinya once did talk more...

"Of course, a lot..." Kyo shrugged, "She was quite loud mouthed actually."

"Like how much?" I asked.

"Like..Kaoru?" Kyo offered.

"Wow..." I said, "Okay. I'll see what I can do, buddy." I turned to my office and thought over my ideas...for examination...

"Here." Shinya surprised me and handed me her form.

"Thanks." I nodded.

"She seems really sad and lost." Shinya said and I blinked down at him, "Go easy." he said and passed me.

"Thanks..." I said watching him walk off, only to shake my head and focus on the moment at hand...

As I entered the room she was sitting there looking down at the ground...of the office...

"Hey! So, Cashel..." I looked over her form, "Your 17? That's nice! I miss those years!"

She looked up at me, like I was an idiot...

"...and you live with Kyo and Kaoru right now?" I frown down at the form, "That's gotta be 'fun'..."

She nods, and I sigh...This is gonna be harder then I thought.

"Kyo, wants me to ask you...why you stopped talking...But if you have something else you want to talk about with me..."

"..." she just eyes me uncomfortably.

I chuckle, "You think this is ridiculous, don't you?"

She blinks and nods.

"...Well, so do I. You obviously don't want to talk to me."

"..." she crosses her arms and glances away.

"...Well, I guess your situation calls for it." I nod and sigh, "I'm not in the mafia or anything...but I have a few patients who were...Lots of trauma."

She glares at me, oh, wrong turn Dr. Die.

"..." she reaches out her hand suddenly and I blink, expecting she wants to shake my hand again, but she's pointing to my clipboard...it has her form and a few blank pages on it...

"This?" I offer and hand it too her, she takes the pen off the top of the bulletin board and takes off the form..."...Oh, do you like to write?" I offer.

She nods and I lean forward watching the words she scrawls down...

My mentality is that there's nothing to lose
The meaningless times dissappear, ah, they're nothing
My mentality is that there's nothing to lose
I live aimlessly, ah, I can't change

Where should I go? My heart...cannot be satisfied
I embrace my broken up life

I blink, "Wow...you certainly seem to understand what you want and who you are." she glares up at me and taps the paper...

I nod and read on further,

Even if I repeat these words
My glass wings are cold and wet, and I shiver with loneliness
If I can sever the darkness of my memories
Even if I can't speak it
I've grown to want to live like I'm broken

I plop down next to her, "That's impressive. But...do you think that's true? Do you think this sort of thinking is due to some kind of...prior happening in your life?"

She shakes her head and taps the paper again, I lean forward to read the title she puts at the top...

Love is Dead

"I see..." I say and she nods, "I'm sorry. You must of lost a lot of loved ones..."

She nods, "...y-yeah." she says quietly. And I blink up to look at her.

"You talked!" I cheered.

She nods and smiles, "..."

"That's good! But...I guess you won't talk much out of here will you?"

She shakes her head no, "For now..."

"Ah," I say, "Would you mind coming back to see me for another appointment?" I offer kindly, "It's your choice."

She looks around the room and back at me before nodding.

"Great!" I smile and give her a good pat on the back, "By the way maybe you should give that to Kyo? He likes poems and stuff like that...You should ask him to sing! He's got a nice voice!" Die chuckled.

She nodded and plopped down off her chair, to move to the door...Shinya met us there and warmly escorted her back to the waiting room...I watched her walk off and thought to myself...She wasn't nearly as weak or pathetic as I thought she was...

I repeat my mistakes, I hold out my arm
Ah, I can't allow this

I can't stop the tears from flowing alone
I feel the sigh from you, who is leaving

As I decide it's about time to follow, I move to the waiting room to see Kaoru is indeed up and ticked at Kyo...He keeps glaring at him.

"KAORU!" I greet him and he looks up to smile at me, "How are you?"

"I'm okay now! But this asshole totally drugged me!" Kaoru pointed to Kyo who just shrugged from across the room.

"Yeah, I noticed." I laughed lightly, "Anyway, we'll be having another appointment tomorrow, Kyo." I smile.

"Was there progress?" Kyo blinked, as if unexpecting it.

I nod and grin over at Cashel, "Isn't that, right?"

She nodded and smiled back.

Shinya shuffled behind me, and I swear I saw a small smile on his lips...

"SHE'S NOT PREGNANT IS SHE?" Kaoru lunged at me.

"...No." I blink surprised.

"THANK GOD." Kaoru cried.

WHACK-

The heavy bound bible I kept in my waiting room slammed up against the back of Kaoru's head knocking him out again. Cashel stood there glaring after him.

"Hahahahaha..." I laughed, noticing Kyo smile encourgaingly at her and she just smiled proudly over the now passed out form of Kaoru again...

Your warm hand is honest, even now
You who are shining, are left in my eyes
I make the overflowing feelings bloom in my heart

"Let's go." Kyo nodded and pushed her toward the door, "Tell him to come back when he gets conscience."

Kaoru groaned on the floor and weakly stood up, "I'm coming.." he grumbled.

"Little bastard faking it-" Kyo snickered.

I watched them all walk to the door and I had to admit I hadn't seen Kyo so happy...

"Will you love me? Don't you want to love me?"
Even if I repeat these words
My glass wings are cold and wet, and I shiver with loneliness
If I can sever the darkness of my memories
Even if I can't speak it
I've grown to want to live like I'm broken...

No Apologies: Hello? [Sequel-1/?]

Sun, 04 May 2008 05:12:00 GMT

Hello...
Are you there?
Can you hear me...my love?
Can you hear me dying...
Yes, that's right just like your old man...
Can you hear me dying?
...Hello? Are you there?
Are you even willing to believe I didn't mean to scare you away.
Hello?
Please listen...I never meant to hurt you. Not even then...Not now.
I know I maybe here...
In this dirty cell block...
But I will never ever let you go.
These walls won't cut me off from you...
Your cousin has proven that much.
Hello?
Please, hear this...
Your cousin, Viola came to see me.
Yesterday, I think...
She wants you too know.
You're like her.
I don't believe her...
You're purer then that...
You're so much more...to me.
Hello, my love...
Keep waiting...I'll be out soon.

Outside the rain splattered against the tiny barred window to my cell. I shivered from the breeze that flowed through...No wonder men were dying off one by one here the living conditions were terrible. The old man, Cashel's of course...Probably couldn't take it. Lucky son of a bitch got the good way out. But I can't go...

It seems almost like a bad daydream. Like I'm still sleeping as I sit up against this one streaked with who knows what wall...The other three walls containing me are no different...I have a small shabby bed and curse the small state it's in...

Damn Jun, Damn Aiji for fighting and begging to share a room with me...I hate them.
They aren't here. I'm alone.
Alone in this shitty mess as the only reassuring sound I have are that of my own breathing and of course the pitter patter of the rain outside...I wonder if it's crying for you...The sky I mean.
Heaven knows, it always reminded me of your eyes...
I'd never say that though. Not even if you paid me.
Or locked me up...
And why can I be so sure?
Well...in all fairness I know something about you, you won't admit.

I know you better then you think...and that one truth keeps me holding on as I sit here under the plat of the raindrops on this pathetic soggy picture...I begged the lawyer man to retrieve it for me...I need something to do after all...And yes, don't make fun of me. I write...I'm good, I think.

...But you probably could guess things like that, my love...

Shall I read my lyrics to you...
Hello?
Can you hear me?
...I wrote them for you.
In fact, you were all I was thinking of...

Even now as the thunder claps overhead and the rain beats down even heavier, completely deafening me...I have to speak in my head to hear myself...The words I craved to say to you...

Was it a dream?
Is this the only evidence that proves it
A photograph of you and I
A photograph of you and I
A photograph of you and I... in love...

The picture is only getting soggier as I lean over it and new drops fall on it...But I don't think it's the rain...I won't say it's me...I won't...
Kirito doesn't cry...Not here. Not now...Not even if you lock me up.
Because I know...I already have your heart locked up in a cage...and it's never coming out.

Hello?
...you and I...in love...

-------------------------------------------------------------

I come back everyday now...She's always with me.
She doesn't talk. I don't know what else I can say about it...
She just doesn't.
I'll get a smile or even a nod or shake of the head...
But not a word.
Her father...must of been a good man.
...I never thought I'd wish a mafia boss alive...But...

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping,
Hello, I'm still here,
All that's left of yesterday...

"..." she tugs on my sleeve idly and I look to her, we're about the same height...

"Yes?" I ask, only because neither of us are very talkative.

Kaoru has taken to her silence. He's kept up with it like a mother hen busying over a wounded chick...But she just smiles and wanes on...Like a barely flickering candle.

She lifts her hand and points at the now burned down house, I nod knowing what she wants...

Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to,
Hello...

"We can go around it..." I say and she smiles with a firm nod and pulls me forward...But quickly let's go of my arm. She doesn't want to hold on...That's what I gather. Why? Holding on...when you think about it...means having to let go at some point...It's hard thing to overcome...

She skips forward in front of me...You wouldn't think this place is where she stopped speaking. Or where her world crumbled...for her...and for me, Oh! Kaoru too... I guess there is a invisible line I can't even begin to see-

She freezes her cheerful trot to place one foot in the damp dirt from the previous night's rain...It stays put, toe pointed upon contact with the ground like a perfect ballet dancer's point...I don't know much about her, which makes living with her hard...

"Cashel?" I sigh, trying to break her of this ridiculous continous behavior....

She ignores me. Her eyes on that rot...That rotting mess of junk in the very center of the fire...the crumbles and burned ashes of her house, her home, her past...It's like a bad cliche. I want to ignore it. But healing takes time, especially in a human heart...And Cashel is very human. Even more human then I know most people to be...

Is that possible? To be more human...than any human?

"...h..h-hello?" I jump at the sound, chasing me out of my reverie...I blink up to see her, looking around her as if she'd seen someone there. I step up beside her.

Hello, I'm the lie, living for you so you can hide,
I don´t cry...

"Cashel?" I say quickly, "Did you just say something?"

"..." she just looks around panicky as if looking for something.

"Did you lose something?" I frown.

She shakes her head and pushes my reassuring hand off her shoulder...Right to attached. No holding on. She's moving now, her feet still doing that pointed toe, careful step by step gesture...Like she's afraid of breaking something on the ground itself...But since she did burn the whole house down I guess she feels she's done enough damage...

If I smile and don't believe,
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream,
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken...

"H-hello?" she's spoken again and I'm completely winded...I hurry up beside her, looking for who she's talking too...

I see no one...

Hello, I'm still here,
All that's left of yesterday...

"Cashel?" I frown at her, it's quite possible she's sick...She's been terribly quiet and unhealthy lately...But Kaoru insistent...in a way so do I, that it's merely her healing.

"...Hello." she says firmly again but this time she isn't looking at anyone in particular but forward...

A tiny tree, or what used to be one before the fire...Rots, black as coal...A true rotting root keeled over in the yard...

She steps over to it in that light gestural nervous movement of her's and leans down to brush her fingers against the bark...

...Okay, great. Does healing include talking to trees, Kaoru?

"..." she looks up at me and back at the tree, I shove my hands in my pockets...Glaring at her.

"What do you want me to do? Water it? It's dead!" I thrust out my jaw and nod firmly. She just shakes her head and I let my shoulders and head sink back down...I know what that look means...I understand silence nicely...You could say I'm a pro at it.

Ever since I'd joined the force people recognized me as the quiet but assertive guy. Man, did the other guys fear me...I wasn't someone to mess with by looks alone and my brains weren't half bad either...I don't want to brag but I am the head of the current mafia handling branch...Promotion was in order. Kaoru had no such luck. He worked under me.

She stands up and I take notice like any good officer would of the sudden movement...

Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to,
Hello...

"You...had school near here didn't you?" I tried to remember the file I had read on her, "You and the others...your cousins and close members of the "Family" were all taught near here?"

She nods a glum nod, lip bitten and all...
"...I see. I'm sorry. It's probably burned down too..."
Again, another nod.
"...No one got hurt..."
A small smile now...I want to say more but I'm lost on words...they never helped me anyway.

"...Someone did." I look up, I don't know why at some moments she's talking again...maybe it's working...The healing.

"...Who did?" I ask.

She shakes her head and bites her bottom lip again, "...He did."

"Who's he...?" I frown, she sighs, "I didn't hear anything about it in your report."

"It wouldn't be in a report of me." she moves around the tree, brushing her fingers against the black crisp crust of it's bark, "...I didn't kill him in the end."

"Kill who?"

"Viola...and I..." I blinked at her answer, "We...nearly killed...him."

"...okay," I had a feeling I wasn't going to be answered so I decided to go along with it, "...And how did you?"

She shrugs and brushes her finger against the tree bark, in tiny circles, "...He fell."

"Fell?" I blinked, noticing how black her hands were getting from the stuff all on the tree bark...

"Yeah, he fell."

I was proud, I was getting her to keep talking. If she kept this up and I brought her home talking Kaoru was sure to have kittens! Well, not literally...

"...I see. So how does that...involve you and Viola?" I knew of her cousin, I'd watched her doomed off in our first meeting. I was sorry I couldn't save her...but not that sorry. It wasn't my business.

Cashel sighed again and stroked down the tree bark again in the opposite direction, hands getting fully dirty and damp, "...We pushed him."

"Ah," I snorted, that was stupid..."So how did he...nearly die?"

Playground school bell rings again,
Rain clouds come to play again...

"...He was always sick...And I pushed him off with Viola..." she tightened her hand into a fist, the dust she collected from the dead tree blew around it at the sudden movement...

"...so he was sickly? Was he someone important to the family?"

"...He was...my brother." she bit her lip.

"I see...So...he's gone?" I asked.

She nodded and looked around the area, "I...can hear it."

"Hear what?" I looked around too.

"H-hello?" she said quietly.

This would freak anyone else out but not me..."What do you hear?"

She looked back at me, "...the school bell..."

"...Cashel." I say calmly, "It's your imagination."

"...I know."

"Well," I say, wanting to make her stop this nonsense before it hurts her more, "You need to remember that's in the past...and as for now..."

"...When I killed him.." she said quietly...

"NEARLY..." I reminded her, "You said he was easily sick."

She nodded curtly, "Yeah...but when he did...I sincerely...wanted to go instead..."

"...That was then this is now." I frowned at her.

She chuckled, and my frown only deepened, "...Funny." she shook her head, "...I...wanted to go instead."

"...Cashel..." I said quietly, "It's in the past..."

"But it's not." she turns to me, and with those big hazel eyes dark and unfathomable, she spills it..."I wanted to when Dad died too. I want to go now!"

Hello, I'm the lie, living for you so you can hide,
I don´t cry...

"...Cashel."

She looks away, "But that's not true..."

"Cashel...What?" I'm not even sure what I mean, most people who say that like that mean it, they aren't so quick to take it back...

"...I'm not ready to go...Not like that...Not for anyone. Dad wouldn't want me too...Viola wouldn't want me too..."

It's on the tip of my lounge but I change the 'I' to someone else, "KAORU wouldn't want you too." I say.

She nods and gives a small smile, "...Hello..." she mutters again.

I tilt my head and decide to ask, "...Why do you keep doing that? Practicing to talk again?"

She shakes her head and laughs lightly, "...No, I think...I mean. I keep greeting myself..."

"Keep greeting yourself...?"

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping...

"Yes!" she nods firmly, and I can't help but chuckle, it's not the first time I've heard something so ridiculous..."I haven't heard myself talk in awhile...I don't know if I'm still there."

"...Yeah, Kaoru misses you talking."

She turns to me cynically, "Kaoru...you know an awful LOT about Kaoru..."

I shrug, "...He's my co worker."

"Aw, he doesn't even get the title friend?"

I sneer. Oh, did I forget to mention...? She doesn't talk...Unless it's to me...

"...Will you go home and talk again?" I ask her.

She shakes her head, "I can't..."

"...This will have to pass soon." I remind her.

"I know. It will. I promise."

"Good." I said and it's done. We're done. We move back to the outstretch of land away from the mansion...Past the police DO NOT CROSS yellow tape...I know the minute we're past this line...She won't talk anymore...

"Goodbye..." I say to her with a swift nod...

She just smiles at me,

Hello, I'm still here,
All that's left of yesterday...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

When we get home...I'm anything but interested in seeing the other man here. Kyo and Kaoru took me in shortly after the death of my father and the incident at my mansion...caused by yours truly.
They both informed me of the valuable work needed to be done on the falling out of my father's side of the branch in the system...I must admit it's true. I'm impressed the FBI certainly is all over this...
With my father and Viola's out of the picture...There is definatly empty space left...Anyone could just pop in and take it! But being the last living heir...I'm quite the eyesore to these people. So living with Kyo and Kaoru was an order by the judge who'd sent the three men I "accepted" proposals from and my own father to prison...The prison cell in which my father died in. Such a nice story, hm?
I've changed due to the everything...I mean, now I'm more into not speaking my mind. Or getting close to people. It's just not something I want too do. Call me weak or pathetic or emo...I've heard it all before. Let's see you be me. Go om, let's see it.
I tell you right now, you tell a mafia boss thier emo and you've got a 32 caliber rifle to your head within seconds and another down your throat so that you can't apologies...
In the end it's not about apologizing...It's about getting even.

"Ah, YOUR BACK!" I wince at the loud voice, leave it to Kaoru. He runs up to us looking flustered over absolutely nothing...Kyo slinks past him, I'm not so lucky- He embraces me in a very uncharacteristically tight hug.

"...Mmm..."

"HELLO!" he smiles warmly at me, I look into the safety of the house beyond...Kyo is leaning against a counter eating a apple...son of a bitch wasn't even going to help me...

"..." I glared up at Kaoru, he could put me down.

"Just tell me when you want me to let you go!" Kaoru cheers...I won't talk! This isn't fair!

"Kaoru...put her down." Kyo is bored and walks off.

Kaoru pouts but puts me down, "So...How was your walk?" he smiles at me...He'll never learn! I swear! Yes or no questions only!

I shrug and trudge past him, head down...

"...You could at least answer with a good or bad..." Kaoru mumbeles after me...

I turn back to him and with a flourish of one hand I hold up a thumbs up. He blinks in surprise and the grin on my face and smiles like crazy, "THAT'S GREAT!" he cheers, "Oh! I almost forgot! You...got a letter..." he reaches across the table and pushes it toward me...I pick it up and look down across the words on it...

Cell 1476, Shinya Murata to Ms. Cashel

I looked up at Kaoru who blinked worriedly back at me, "He's one of them isn't he?"

Kyo entered back into the kitchen, swiping the letter from my fingers, "...Kirito, huh..." he mutters reading the address, "Are you gonna read it?"

I snatch it back from him and push past him toward my room, It's not any of their business what I do...

I slam the door to my room and sit down on my bed to look down at the letter...open it and read it...or...

With a sigh I open it, it would be hiding otherwise...
Kirito has scrawled what looks like a poem down on it...I take a deep breath and read slowly to myself...

Your defenses were on high
Your walls built deep inside
Yeah I'm a selfish bastard
But at least I'm not alone
My intentions never change
What I wanted stays the same
And I know what I should do
it's time to set myself on fire
Was it a dream?
Was it a dream?
Is this the only evidence that proves it
A photograph of you and I
Your reflection I've erased
Like a thousand burned out yesterdays
Believe me when I say goodbye forever
Is for good
Was it a dream?
Was it a dream?
Is this the only evidence that proves it
A photograph of you and I
Was it a dream?
Was it a dream?

Slowly I drew out the other piece of paper behind the lyrics one...and reread the last few lines..as I stared down at the picture as well of me and him...It had been taken when I'd been 14. His arm was draped over mine and a smile was on his lips as well as on mine...It was so smudged I was surprised I could make out anything...

Is this the only evidence that proves it
A photograph of you and I
(A photograph of you and I)
Was it a dream?
Was it a dream?
Is this the only evidence that proves it
A photograph of you and I
A photograph of you and I
A photograph of you and I... in love...

Outside my door I could hear Kyo and Kaoru arguing about something... In small muffled voices as if they were far away...

[Four shot] No Apologies: Everything Burns -4

Sat, 03 May 2008 04:33:53 GMT

She sits in her corner...
singing herself to sleep.
Wrapped in all of the promises
that no one seems to keep...

It had been only a few months since the whole mafia meets cop incident...Kirito, Aiji and Jun were sentenced to jail time. I was left alone in that big house...Hidelow had turned himself in and would thus get a shorter sentence...Only thing was...

After Viola had gone I'd felt so empty and uncertain. But as the final decision needed to be made I'd made it for her...and what truth she'd spoken. One day I would have to be just like her. I truly wanted to believe in her and in that idea.

So I went through things normally, my life at home was empty. And school was long and monotonous...In the end, just knowing I could keep believing in my passed cousin was enough...

She no longer cries to herself
no tears left to wash away...

So as I sat there over dinner at the long empty table, staring down into my plate... I didn't so much eat as wonder...what now? ...what now...

"My lady?" smiles the butler coming up to my side, "a letter for you from the prison guards?"

I blinked and picked up the letter, undoing the envelope and having my fingers shake as I slowly opened it...

Just diaries of empty pages
feelings gonna stray...

Would it tell me of his release date? Wasn't a mere week from now? And of course, it would contain a letter from him too...Telling me how much he missed me! And how well off we'd been getting rid of Kirito, Jun, and Aiji-

But she will sing...

I froze my eyes barely making it down the second sentence of the paper, it shook a few times in my hands, as my mouth hung open...This couldn't be! This wasn't as it was...I'd rather marry Kirito then this be true-

We are sorry to inform you Ms. Cashel that your father/guardian, Hidelow has passed away from a stroke in his cell block-

"M-my lady?" asked the butler, I slunk down in my seat...hardly breathing as I just shook my head back and forth the note fell to the ground next to me...

Everything Burns...
------------------------------------------------

I don't remember when I started to get bored.
Maybe it was when Kyo got promoted? ...He was like my little buddy. I always counted on him amusing the fuck out of me. And now he was...just not here. I was of course on full monitoring duty of Cashel's household. There were plenty of mafia members still around ready to take over the now diminished capital...

Poor girl had to be so terrified...but I'd been watching her. Of course she didn't know. But that never really bothered me. I guess that was why I didn't hate this job. Anyway, she seemed okay. She seemed to just take it all in stride. Poor girl, but tough girl.

"Geez, man...Take a picture!" Toshiya sneered, "Take it home and then you can rub off too it, huh?" he's toothy grin and "joke" was anything but pleasent.

"Ha, ha...shut up." I glared at him, "I'm doing my job."

"Oh, please. You know you want some of that..." Toshiya jeered.

"And I take it you want some of my fist in your face?" I smiled that creepy, leaderlike smile I always had stashed away.

"...Not really. I'm not into that stuff, Kaoru." Toshiya shrugged.

"Whatever..." I sighed, wishing I could have a shift with someone like Die.

RING RING... Speak of the devil!

"Hello?" I answered and Die's voice rushed through on the other end...

"Did you hear, man?" I sighed and brushed a hand through my dirty blonde strands of hair, or mop on my head...whatever you wanna call it.

"Last time I checked, Die. It's your job to hear and tell me what's going on." I complained.

"Oh, well," Die checked himself with the gossip, "We just got a call! Hidelow, man! The guy kicked the bucket!"

I paused, "You mean...Hidelow? Like Cashel's Hidelow?"

"...I guess?" Die blinked, "Dude, who's Cashe-" I hung up.

"If Hidelow is dead...she'll find out and..." I swallowed, putting myself in her predicament as it was... well, was bad. The girl couldn't possibly handle her father's death sanely, could she?

"Uh, Kaoru?" Toshiya turned to me.

"GET KYO ON THE PHONE! WE NEED TO GET DOWN THERE NOW!" I snarled, moving up from my computers.

"But we're not allowed to leave the office-" Toshiya grumbled.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY?" I snarled at Toshiya who quickly grabbed the phone and began to dial as I pulled on my FBI jacket-

"Hi! Kyo? Yeah Toshiya! Uh, Kaoru-" I grabbed the phone from him and spoke quickly into the reciever-

"Hidelow is dead."
"What?"
"Yes, Cashel is in danger."
"Are you sure? ...Aren't you just overreacting..."
"Look, this was your case for promotion Kyo! You got what you want! If your done!" I snapped.
"I'm just saying..." said Kyo, "It's probably not anything she can't handle."
"SHE'S LOST HER FATHER!" I snarled.
"...things happen Kaoru."
"AND HER COUSIN!"
"..."
"AND HER FAMILY!"
"...Kaoru, you've grown to attached I'll have to remove you if you keep this-"
"FUCK YOU, KYO! I'M GOING TO HELP HER!" I hung up and turned to Toshiya, "Keep a look out for me." I was out the door.

-------------------------------------------------------

I don't really remember what happened next...I remember being helped to my bedroom...I lay on the bed but didn't sleep. I couldn't...
Father had died alone, all alone in that prison cell.
Just like Viola at the hands of Jun, Aiji, and Kirito's men...
...Why was everyone I loved leaving...Why...
Was I going to die all alone too...

I felt myself shiver as in my hands rested the little jewelry box I'd been given by Viola on my birthday...

As I opened it up it sang a tune with the words I could remember her teaching me upon getting it...It was a very sad and angry song...but one her mother had taught her to get passed haunting of the life we women lived...

The tune crinkled beneath my fingers as I stared out my little window, I moved myself from the bed when the help left...There on the window ledge I stared out over the large expanse of lawn...The words of the song with the tune in my head...

Til everything burns
While everyone screams
Burning their lies
Burning my dreams
All of this hate
And all of this pain
I'll burn it all down
As my anger reigns
Til everything burns...

Something inside of me must of awkwakened at the noise...I turned very quietly to see a ghostly pale girl watching me...Her voise was gently humming the tune too...

"V-viola?" I whispered at the sight of my cousin, she smiled lightly at me.

I choked up and turned my eyes away, "...P-please go away!"

"...I can't. I have to one more thing for you."

"Viola..." I pleaded.

"Follow me..." Viola's voice beckoned me from my perch, "Follow me and I will show what that lullaby truly means..."

Slowly I turned my head to her, rising from my seat as she smiled and held out a packet of matches to me...

I remember walking down the steps to the mansion, all around me memories flooded past...Mafia bosses visited her. Murders were planned here. My childhood was had here. My family wasn't gone...because I was still here.

"Follow me! Follow me!" Viola's voice was like an echo, clutched in my own hands were the matches...I stared straight ahead...as I walked out on the lawn... The grass was very high and laced up against the house and the night air neatly...

Walking through life unnoticed
Knowing that no one cares
Too consumed in their masquerade
No one sees her there
And still she sings...

"Viola...What now.." I ask but there is only the whips of the wind out here. And then the ever present cold...My body shivers as I stare over our house...It's mine now. Now that father is dead, it's mine. I inherit everything.

"Come back...please?" I say into the darkness and it passes. No Viola. No father. No anyone. Just me...

I take up the matches in my hand and light one...I stare down at that little flickering flame...It's like me, burning alone and it only has a little bit more time to go before it completely burns out...But if I were too-

Watching it all fade away...
Watching it all fade away...

With a swift flick of my wrist the match lands in the high grass and suddenly the wind takes it, blows it into bigger flickers, it begins to lap at the houses edge. The butlers and help are all gone. I ask them to leave during the night. I apologize to them in my head, they'll need new jobs.

Til everything burns
While everyone screams

The house is slowly going up and I watch blankly as the windows, I'd run around in as a child are eaten by the fire of my own hand...

Burning their lies
Burning my dreams

The family, I pray they will disappear but as I watch it go up I wonder why Viola had to go. Why did Dad had to go...Did they hate me?

All of this hate
And all of this pain

I dropped the little music box to the ground and I let myself shake and cry with the drying tears I had left...Couldn't they take me too? I didn't want to be all alone! I didn't want too! I couldn't be all alone!

I'll burn it all down
As my anger reigns...

Please...someone...I don't want to disappear!
Like the house once the flame developed it...I would die out too! I would crumble and I'd done this to myself-

Til everything burns...

Someone please...help me...

"CASHEL!" I froze like always when someone came up behind me from behind except this time, this person grabbed me, pulled me into a full hug from behind...

"Wh-who..."

"My name is Kaoru, I'm with the FBI."

I didn't know what I expected, I turned to face him, with big wounded eyes... He swallowed and tried to give a really reassuring smile...

"W-where's K-kyo?" I choked out. His face fell, and then he shook his head, "...B-but he...he helped me b-before..."

"I know...But I'm here. I did the monitoring before! Remember the camera?" he smiled.

"...I just...I mean...I..." I couldn't find the right words, "T-there all gone...K-k-yo..." I clutched his shirt just like I had as a child...with Kirito that time after Viola's accident..."P-please don't hurt me..."

"I...I won't..." Kaoru muttered and pet down a few strands of hair as she seemed to fall unconcious or asleep in his arms...

Everything burns
Everything burns
Everything burns
Watching it all fade away
All fade away
Everyone screams
Everyone screams
Watching it all fade away...

"I won't hurt you... I promise." Kyo nodded from just a little bit beyond the houses border...The little music box in his hand-

Everything burns
Watching it all fade away
All fade away
Everyone screams
Everyone screams
Watching it all fade away...

He shut it closed tightly with a snap.

[Four Shot] No Apologies:I Hate Everything About You. -3

Fri, 02 May 2008 23:27:39 GMT

Imagine knowing whatever you say next is quite possibly your famous last words...
Now imagine, this...
This person that is waiting on them is quite possibly...
in love with you.

Irony at it's greatest. Romeo and Juliet got nothing on me.

-------------------------------------------

He was staring up at the ceiling, it was white with hardly any fancy texture to it. He'd been working the night shift for what felt like way to long...Was it over yet? The family was was to good at hiding everything...The old fart, Hidelow rarely ever showed anything. And if he ever messed up and said something he shouldn't he had missed it...

"So...The last meetings have been eventful." the voice breaks through his thoughts, from the bed next to his.

"...I hate the fact that you can so easily get the fun job. And I get stuck with monitoring with Toshiya." he complains.

The smaller blonde man chuckles on the bed next to his, "I fit in better with the mafia then you. Admit it."

"Hardly the case..." he sneered, "I just think this spying is not your strong suit."

The smaller man sighed and sat up in his bed to look over at the other, "...I'm quite sure the gang up is coming."

"Of course...and Kirito isn't as good at hiding his tracks."

"Your right." said the smaller man, "He's terrible at not being loud."

"...Well, I guess the best part of the monitoring is Hidelow's daughter. Heh."

"You sick fuck!" the smaller man whacked him with a pillow, "You don't have a camera in her room do you?"

"...no. Installing one isn't a bad idea though..." he just stared up at the ceiling.

"...Your serious?"

"...Only a little." he smiled.

"She's Hidelow's daughter!"

"She's cute..." he whined.

"Sick sick man, Kaoru." Kyo shook his head.

"...Thanks for noticing." he smiled up at that blank ceiling.

-------------------------------------------------------

If you feel so empty
So used up, so let down

"What am I gonna do...What am I gonna do...What am I gonna do..." I whined to myself over and over again, as I paced the living room...

"Ms. Cashel?" the butler peeked his head in to check on me, "Are you ready for dinner?"

"I'll pass thanks." I shook my head and the butler looked confused but bowed his head, "very well-"

"Could you put up an extra plate for me?" a voice broke in and I froze once more on the spot.

"Of course! Sir Jun!" the butler raced off in a panic at the unannounced guest...

"...Jun." I greeted with a curt nod and glare.

Jun looked sadly down at me, "...mad at me?"

"Very actually." I admitted bluntly.

If you feel so angry
So ripped off
so stepped on

"...I understand. But you'll see why we had to do it like this..." he seemed to smile gently, "...it's very complicated."

"I'm pretty smart." I reminded him, "I think I can put two and two together...and not get six."

Jun smiled, "Yes, you are...But your father."

"What about my father?" I snapped.

"Well, he's never much cared for all of us." Jun shook his head.

"Us?" I repeated.

"Kirito, me, and Aiji." smiled Jun.

"Ah." I said, looking Jun over. He was dressed rather handsomely in a actual suit (business remember!) and of course his looks and kindness were enough to make any girl swoon but I held my ground. "I can see why."

"...I care about you." Jun tried to pry into my head and I snorted.

"Yes, you certainly displayed that today, didn't you?"

"...It was...complicated." Jun reminded me.

"Yes, and now it's just simple!" I announced cynically, "I'm happy as pie aren't I?"

"...Cashel...Please..." his voice was a warning, his smile gone.

You're not the only one

"You've done nothing but bad mouth the real family since you came in here, Jun!" I couldn't stop I was on a rool, "The real family, it seems you've forgotten! Are the ones that put you where you are! Without my father or Viola's father you wouldn't be where you are!"

Jun lowered his head and sighed weakly, "...It seems Kirito was right. You won't listen."

"Well isn't that fabulous! He's right! Maybe if you take a moment to stop swallowing all of his word-" suddenly I was grabbed and pushed down roughly onto the couch, my eyes went wide...this wasn't fair. It just couldn't be. Jun was kind and was nothing like this-

He looked back up at me, his normal bright eyes were dark like Kirito's...those reflecting eyes...Were dark and now harmful...angry.

"J-Jun?" I choked out.

"Don't talk about Kirito like that...Okay?" Jun hissed, his lips inches from mine, "Don't even think for a second I'll let you think you know me."

"S-stop..."

"I...like Kirito..." he seemed to pause for a second to kiss my forehead...

"You like..." then it slowly processed, "You're like Kirito?"

"Yes." Jun nodded and his gentle smile was back but his eyes were still so angry and dangerous, "I asked your father...more demanded for something."

"...And that's what your blackmailing him with now?" I glared up at him.

"Yes..."

"And Kirito did the same thing?" I asked.

"Yes, the exact same thing."

"...Did Aiji?"

"Yes."

I felt myself losing air, Jun was too heavy, "...I don't understand..."

"I love you..." Jun said surprising me, and suddenly I felt myself in my second kiss...since I'd been 15...Jun was gentle but he seemed rush...I felt my face go hot as I pushed him away as best I as I could and turned my face away, "...Cashel." Jun's voice was a warning.

If you feel so filthy
So dirty
so fucked up

"..I won't." I glared at the couch.

Jun chuckled, "And the only way you will...it's the same as what you told Kirito, isn't it?"

"Yes." I glared away from him, "I won't until I get married."

"...heh..." Jun shook his head and got up from on top of me, "That may be sooner then you think." and with that he turned away and left...I heard the front door slam shut and sat up on the couch...Hugging myself closely, trying to figure out what to do.

If you feel so walked on
So painful
so pissed off

I guess the world just wasn't on my side...Because another knock came to the door. I sat up straight as the butler approached it.

"DON'T!" I snarled at him, startling him. He blinked at me.

"B-but my lady...someone is at the door..."

"You can't let them!"

"Excuse me?" the quiet voice made me blink, I'd heard it before. I got up myself and approached the door, I opened it...

"Kyo?" I frowned at the small man, who glared up at me.

"I need to talk to your Dad." Kyo nodded, hands in pockets.

"He's working." I said, "Your welcome to come in and wait."

Kyo nodded and passed me, head down. I glared over at the butler, "If anyone else comes to the door tell me."

The butler bowed and walked off.

I followed Kyo into the living room...He sat down on one of the couches without asking me if it was okay. I was surprised at the lack of manners for a newbie. Wasn't he scared of me?

"So..." I said, "What are you dying to talk to my father about?" I smiled kindly.

"...That pun isn't funny." He pointed out.

"Huh?"

"Dying. It's not funny." Kyo shrugged.

"Gee, thanks." I said, sighing. This was a pain.

"...." silence flowed between us and I wondered why he wouldn't stop glaring at me. Uncomfortable.

"Thanks." he said.

"Huh?" I felt so stupid for saying this so much.

"For telling me to go to the wall." he nodded.

"Your welcome." I nodded and folded my hands in front of me...

"So..What's it like? Being the daughter of a mafi-" I moved so quickly and put my hands up against his lips.

"SSSSSSSSSH- Are you an idiot?" I snapped at him. Sending the cameras above us a look.

"Some say so." he said, pulling my hand away.

"If you can't handle waiting in here I'll make you wait outside." I warned him.

"You certainly...have grown accustomed to this life, huh?" he looked solemnly up at me...like he was pitying me. My teeth grit.

"I don't see how that's any of your business."

"It's just sad..." he shrugged, "Your a pretty girl."

"Thanks." I growled, "Now...can I get you something to drink?" I was trying to remain polite even though this guy strikes me as a complete idiot.

"...Your father is certainly interesting, isn't he?" smiled Kyo.

"I guess so."

"..So where's his wife? Your mother?" I felt my legs shake at his question, "I'm sorry. I don't feel like answering that."

"I see." he didn't bother apologizing. This guy was just like Kirito...

"Can I get you some food or something?" I asked.

"...no, I'm quite alright." he said. I nodded and silence continued.

"...My father should be out soon."

"How long?" Kyo eyed me curiously.

I looked to the clock, "a half hour or so."

"...Good." he said, I was surprised to blink and glare up at him, ready for anything since Jun's behavior...

"Excuse me?"

"I have something I need to tell you." he got up and I took a step back...

"You said you came here to talk to my Dad..."

"I didn't...actually." Kyo shrugged.

"Then you should leave." I said.

"I can't...until I tell you something." he shrugged.

"Please, go." I said again.

He shook his head and approached me, I brought out my hand to slap him but he suddenly struck out and grabbed it with amazing reflexes, holding it in his tight grip...It was then I noticed that he was even more made up with muscle then Kirito or Aiji.

"I can't-" he said again.

Somewhere along the line I'd picked up things of my Dad's business that became common knoweldge. Since my Dad was pro at bringing in new people into the life...Sending out those letters...He had certain rules for picking people. And what they needed to have and what they couldn't have...

Imagine having someone who was to smart and too strong. They'd take over. You'd lose your spot. And leaders wouldn't be leaders.

Kyo was too strong. It wasn't right. And he clearly was smart as he spoke now, "Listen carefully..." he sighed and began, "Aiji, Jun and Kirito have been working on plans to completely be rid of your father and the main boss."

I shook my head, "That can't be..."

"It is." said Kyo swiftly, "And if your not careful you'll be next."

"But you don't understand-" I started again.

"Understand what?" Kyo gripped my wrist tighter, "How Kirito, Aiji, and Jun are interested in you? How they've claimed to be in love with you?"

"...Aiji hasn't."

Kyo smirked, "Well careful, it's coming. All of them are claiming to "love" you."

"That doesn't make sense!" I snapped, "if they all did then wouldn't then want to get rid of each other?"

"No...That would be too simplistic." Kyo sneered, "This is the mafia not bean bag hopping at the town's fair."

"...I know that! But even they have a good sense of getting things. Getting things over with-" I started to explain.

Kyo shook his head, "Kirito...is a man who gets a little to high on himself, obviously. He took one look at you and claimed you."

"...That's..." I began to try and think of another arguing point, by my fight against Kyo's arm was beginning to fade...

He kept glaring into my face, "and then bit by bit as he got more sure of his power and influence he...claimed Jun and Aiji too."

"B-but what?" I choked.

"Jun and Aiji..." said Kyo, "Are his homosexual partners."

"...I..don't...understand." I said.

"They're in love with Kirito." Kyo tried to clear up for me, I just felt my arm give out along with the rest of me as I fell to the floor...

"...But they...said they loved me..."

"Have you never heard of threesomes? Foursomes?" Kyo shook his head, letting me drop to the ground..."People with power tend to enjoy surrounding themselves with people they know adore and lust for them..."

"It's disgusting." I spit, shaking my head. "It's like a harem..."

Kyo sniggered, "Yes, that would be...what it's called...But Jun and Aiji love Kirito very much. They are already his and doing all they can for him..."

I kept shaking my head but even then Jun's words rang like a bad echo in my ears....

"Don't talk about Kirito like that...Okay?"
"I...like Kirito..."

"Do you believe me?" Kyo asked, breaking me from my thoughts...

"I don't know..." I admitted and then looked up at him, "But you! Your! You aren't-" I searched for the words and was on my feet..."I'll be right back!"

"Whu-huh?" Kyo blinked but I was gone before he could say more...

I hurried up the steps to my room, clicking the door shut behind me. There was only one real way of figuring out if this was real...

And apparently, time was once again on my side...As I heard the knock on my window pane... I turned too it to see the scary tall figure on the outside...He'd climbed the tree right outside my third floor room and was now waiting for me on the window ledge...

"Good afternoon Aiji?" I nodded to him, opening the door for him and letting him in...

"...Hello, Cashel." he said, smiling awkwardly back.

"I want to ask you something." I said to him very quickly and he blinked in surprise...

"Okay, ask away."

"Alright...Um, do you...love me?" I asked. Only one way to find out.

"..." Aiji avoided my eyes but nodded his head glumly, "A lot." he admitted.

"I see." I said, frowning.

"...I'm not joking." Aiji tried to explain, "I really do."

"I know. I hear you." I said.

He blinked and blushed slightly, "Wow...Jun and Kirito said you wouldn't listen to me..."

"Well you know them..." I said frowning, "Keeping secrets."

"...are you mad at me?" Aiji murmured.

My eyes clicked up to his, "Are you going to kiss me too?"

"...That was the plan..." Aiji admitted,shrugging his big overgrown shoulders.

I sighed and shook my head, "...And your...in love with Kirito too?"

Aiji took a step back to stare at me with widen eyes, "Jun told you that?"

I decided to lie, "Yes, we had quite the conversation."

"...We weren't going to tell you until later." Aiji admitted.

"I see..." I frowned, "When?"

"...Will you listen and believe me?" Aiji pleaded.

"Sure, take a seat." I nodded to my little treasure box at the end of my bed. He took a seat, his long legs sticking out awkwardly at the ends. I nervously took a seat next to him, but a little away from him...

"...See, we were going to tell you everything. About us and everything when you...well, when we made our move tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" I blinked.

"Yes," Aiji smiled warmly, "We'll announce if your father agrees to..." he paused uncertainly looking at me, I tried to widen my eyes innocently up at him...

"Wh-what is it Aiji-sama?" Oh, I was so good!

"...Well," Aiji tried to look for the right words, "If your father agrees to have you..."

"Too have me..?" I blinked tilting my head to the side.

"Marry...us."

A long silence drew out there, "Marry you..." I repeated.

"Not just me. Jun and Kirito too."

"Is that even possible?" I asked, Aiji took my response as geniunely happy, I guess. And pulled me into his arms to lay kiss on my lips... I didn't even pull away my mind was thinking, on turbo drive...

Kyo had told the truth.
Kyo worked for someone...
How else could he get so much information...

"Aiji..." I said and he pulled away blinking down at me, "...Kyo? Um, do you know who he's assigned too?"

"...Yes." Aiji blinked surprised, "He's working for Kirito now."

"I see." I nodded quickly.

"...Why? Did he bother you?" Aiji's voice took on a very dangerous note.

"Huh? Oh no! He was just trying to console me about all of you earlier..." I smiled lightly.

"I see." Aiji smiled back, "Then he's a good man?" Aiji's fingers tightened on my hand...

"Yes...I think he is...good." I said, something in my head clicked at that moment...

"I, uh, have to go get to the table!" I said suddenly standing up dropping Aiji's hand.

"Huh? Why" blinked Aiji.

"Um, well..." I thought quick, "Father gets out of work in 5 minutes. I like to wait for him at the table so he doesn't suspect I'm up to anything." I smiled.

"I see." nodded Aiji, smiling back, "Well I'll take my leave of you then." he pecked me on the cheek and walked to the window again.

"You...could take the door." I pointed out.

"It's fine. Goodbye." he waved and left me standing in my room for a second...smiling after him before I turned so briskly on my little shoes a screech of the floor was made and I was rocketing down the steps to the living room-

"YOU!" I pointed a daring finger at Kyo who was spread out on the couch...

"Me?" blinked Kyo.

"YOU! ARE...YOU'RE A FBI AGENT AREN'T YO-" it was Kyo's turn to get up and wrap his finger over her mouth-

"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSH!..." he snickered, "Are you an idiot?"

"...You are...aren't you?" I glared at him.

He just nodded, "And I'm currently researching your father and his business partners antics..."

"...You..." I took a few deep breaths, "What are you going to do?"

"...I'm not going to hurt you. If that's what you mean." Kyo shrugged.

"...And..." I looked up at the camera.

"My friends won't either." Kyo smiled and waved up at the camera, "One of them has a growing crush on you." I blinked only to look up and see the camera hastily move back and forth as if shaking it's head...NO! NO I DON'T!

"...So...You got into the mafia as a spy?" I blinked.

"Yes..."

"...I see." I said.

"Now..." Kyo smiled a weird little smile, it was actually rather pretty, "You're going to need too...work with me to figure out about tomorrow."

I nodded my head in agreement.

You're not the only one
Refusing to go down

----------------------------------------------------

"And so...Our first order of buisness." chuckled Kirito, his eyes spreading over the meeting room, "Is...the agreement between me and Mr. Hidelow..."

I stood up as did my Father from his chair...

"I will not agree-"

"We haven't come to a decision..." I said, cutting my father off.

"Excuse me?" blinked my father down at me, I smiled up at him to show him I got this one...He blinked and sighing shook his head...

"Oh no?" frowned Aiji, I could hear his surprise.

"I have...but my father is not with my agreement..." I smiled.

"I see..." said Kirito.

"And if he did...agree?" blinked Jun.

"...I would say our decision would be made." I smiled.

Silence followed, "I...will leave this choice to my daughter..." Hidelow lowered his head shamefully.

...."Well Cashel?" Kirito spoke, facing me...

I looked over to see Kyo leaning against the wall, his eyes carefully watching me...

I close my eyes and licked my lips...

Now, imagine this...

Imagine knowing whatever you say next is quite possibly your famous last words...
Now imagine, this...
This person that is waiting on them is quite possibly...
in love with you.

Irony at it's greatest. Romeo and Juliet got nothing on me...

"...Cashel?" Jun's voice was almost pleading.
Aiji's eyes were awaiting what he felt was my obvious answer...
And Kirito really was smiling like crazy...like he knew what I was going to say...

I smiled plainly, "I'll do it." I said.

"You'll-" smiled Jun.
"Cashel..." breathed Aiji.
"Hm..." sneered Kirito.

"HOLD UP!" the doors to the house burst open and a hush surrounded the entire room as tons of cops swarmed in...

Kyo chuckled from his spot by the wall...

"WHAT THE?" Kirito snarled and turned back to Cashel, "YOU SNITCH!"

I shook my head, "Not me." I said.

"What?" Jun swung around as he was cuffed down roughly.

"...Cashel..." Aiji stared on sadly at me.

"I'm sorry." I said smiling, "But I really didn't do this-"

"I did." said Kyo, stepping forward, "...I'm an FBI agent. It's nice to meet you."

"Why you..."

"WHAT DO WE DO?" yelled Jun to Kirito.

Kyo sneered and nodded to Kirito, "Pst, Get up against the wall-" he mouthed out.

I just shook my head and rolled my eyes...

"YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS! YOU HEAR ME?" snarled Kirito.

"...oh but since you've already tried to kill that lawyer..." muttered Kyo, "He may not want to take you in now...hm?"

Kirito's face went flushed, "You'll regret this..."

"Cashel..." Aiji stared at her, he and Jun looked so ashamed, "why did you?"

"Yeah! You agreed." snarled Kirito...tears sprang to his eyes.

"...Well, I agreed to go through with it because..." Cashel gave a deep sigh and smiled at all three of them, "I Hste Everything about all of you!"

"...What?" Jun blinked.

"Guess you'll just have to wait for a few years to find out." I shrugged and smiled warmly, "Ain't that right Dad?"

"Yes..." my father smiled weakly at me, "I think I'll turn myself in..."

"Father..." I said.

He smiled, "I've raised a good girl, Cashel. Keep up that smile and I'll see you when I get out." he allowed himself to e handcuffed.

"...Hai." I bowed and turned back to my fading away husbands to be, "I'LL WAIT FOR YOU ON THE OTHERSIDE!" I called, part way laughing...

Kyo popped up next to me, arms crossed and shaking his head, "Not funny."

"I thought it was..."

"No, it sucked." Kyo shrugged.

[Four Shot!] No Apologies: Overrated -2

Fri, 02 May 2008 21:31:26 GMT

Rule One of the Underworld Black Market: Get Out Alive.
Not many people can...After all, getting in is easy. But getting out.
Getting out...always costs too much.
I learned that...a very very long time ago.

You made it
You played it
Your shit is overrated
You made it
You played it
Your shit is overrated

He was a newbie in the buisness. Just brought in and 24...I was about...Do the math here uh, 6? Yeah, that sounds about right...I'd seen him before only since my father's men were scouting him. And around that time I was becoming aware of the business. Still...I didn't know anything about him. I didn't know...who he was and why he showed up so much.
My father told me he was a good friend of the family. To trust him...and yet when he came over and I ran up to him I remember he was nervous about coming up to me...

"Hello!" I would say and outstretch my little hand for him to shake, he would blink and look around the room as if unsure of what to do..."Something the matter mister?" I would ask, my smile was no doubt toothy since I was losing teeth left and right then...

"...Hello." he would nod and take my hand finally, "What's...your name?" his voice seemed shakey and I wasn't sure why so I thought he was just shy...

"My name is Cashel!" I'd beam and he would blink his big dark eyes, I was always really jealous of those cool eyes...they shimmered and reflected things...

"...That's nice." I would pout and pull my hand away from his.

"You know it's manners to introduce yourself too!" I would glare at him.

"...Oh, right. I'm..."

But it seemed whenever he had a chance to tell me who he was someone new would come into my life...so slowly I grew like that. Not knowing him. Not really minding his appearance...And not minding Jun and Aiji as they one by one began to appear...

Used up and jaded
You’re thinking way to slow
So we’re creating
Answers on our own
We can’t relate
To what you think you know
And you create
The problems that will never
Go away...

I met Jun when I was about...9. I'd grown more sure of the business but Jun was able to trick me for awhile..he was more honest though. And so he in the end told me he worked for my father. Since then, I trusted him imensely and with my help I'd like to think he became a mafia boss.

As time continued...I remember speaking to that dark haired nerve wracking man again, he seemed a little more sure of himself now. He'd received tattoos for his work since the last time I'd seen him...and he somehow seemed even cooler in the way he carried himself. But I was surprised when this time he approached me at one of the family meetings and smiling a strange and yet cool smile...

"Hello Cashel, you've grown..." he seemed so awesome I just stared like an idiot at him, "What? Did you lose your voice or something?" he'd joke.

"No!" I'd fight quickly back for my voice, "I'm here!" I would nod, "I just almost can't believe it's you!"

"Well, it is." he'd laugh, and shake his head, "...not that I couldn't recognize you."

"You said I changed!" I frowned.

"Yes, you have more teeth."

I glared up at him, "Ha. Ha."

He smiled that cool smile again and I couldn't help but grin back...

"By the way...I'm-"

Some new interruption came along as I was once more pushed to the side...

Worn out and faded
The weakness starts to show
They’ve created the generation
That we know
Washed up and hated
The system moves to slow
They give us answers
To questions they don’t even know...

A few years later...I turned 14...

Aiji was next, apparently he'd always been working for my Dad since he'd been young. His family was in charge of the rough dealings...Such as...Punishments. The idea made me shiver... He was so quiet it was no wonder he was good at such work...Just imagining him sneaking up behind somebody too strike them from behind with a-

Anyway, I wasn't one to like such gory details. So I avoided Aiji a bit...

By this time...I was just turning 15. If there was a time for me to think I got it all down it was then. But like always...life throws you curve balls.
Viola got into a terrible accident. She ended up in the hospital and they said she was a hopeless case. Close to death it was impossible to help her.
I felt like I would die...She was my cousin. And not a hope seemed to spring up. Her father could do something but people would call him a "softy" and...it was just not in terms of the business...

Around that time...I rarely spoke. I was that angry little teenager I mentioned earlier. But I had a reason. I hated my Dad's business for once. I wanted to leave...to never come back. But danger seemed around every corner...

Go away, go away, go away, go away...

Jun was a savior for me. He tried his hardest to take me out and to cheer me up. He was like a real big brother...Even Aiji sent me a few cases of chocolate...Remember my sweet tooth?
But...then I thought about it.
Viola was still in that coma. She was still terribly sick. And she wasn't getting better...If she was going to die...I needed to say...Goodbye.

So I got up the courage and left school early one day to do just that.
The hospital was like most hospitals, aggravatingly clean...I walked the halls to her room and ordered the two bodyguards my Dad and Jun had considered for me...to wait at the door.

Approaching her bed was the hardest part...She was asleep. Or so it looked but tubes and IVs and everything were all around her. and bandages circled her head...I was to cry but couldn't because Viola wouldn't have...

"I miss you." I admitted to the sleeping form, my eyes were on her...They had been since I came in so naturally I had missed the cool forming sitting on the chair...guarding the sleeping girl...

"And I'm' sure she misses you too...She's your cousin, right?" I jumped and spun to face the man on the chair...

He rose slowly from his spot and the man I know today...The one I despise more then life smiled back at me... He was still so cool. I nodded and he sighed to approach my side...I felt his hand run down my back...It was most likely a reassuring gesture...but I tensed at the feel of it.

"...I'm sorry." he said and I just nodded again, staring down at poor Viola...

"...I just don't know how the guy who did this...isn't...gone." I muttered.

"Hm." the man chuckled, his arm still around my waist, "I thought you hated the...life?"

"...I did." I said, "But...if it can help Viola..."

"And it can." I turned to look up at him, he stared no longer down at the girl but at me, "...it can help her. And it can help you."

"...Help me?" I frowned.

He nodded and his other hand slowly raised to brush against my cheek, "You've grown again..."

I turned away from him and shrugged, "I know, I know. The teeth, right?"

He chuckled again and shook his head, "No. Not the teeth..." I froze and swallowed as his lips brushed my forehead gently, his breath following to breeze over me...making me shiver. "Something else has grown..."

"I guess..." I said, then it hit me where I was. Viola! I pulled away from the man and pulled myself to the other side of the bed...as far from him as I could get...He just stared after me with those cool dark eyes...

"What's wrong...?" he muttered, crossing his arms, flexing his muscles unnecessarily.

"...I don't even know your name." I reminded him.

"...Oh, yeah..." he looked away as if that was completely pointless, "My name is Kirito..."

"Kirito?" I repeated and he nodded.

"Well, my real name is a secret...But that's what I go by."

"Cool." I admitted. He smiled.

"So..." he nodded down to Viola, "Saying goodbye?"

"...I..." I looked down to the ground, feeling my body shiver..."I don't want too."

"Ah..." he said, "It's like that."

I nodded.

"I truly...am sorry." he seemed so sincere...so as he crossed the room again and pulled me into his arms, as I finally started to sob into his shirt...His hand resting against the back of my neck and head...He pat my hair down in an awkward soothing motion.

"W-why did s-she have to-o...Is he going to...get hurt?" of course I meant the one who'd done this to her...

"If I can help it..." began Kirito, still holding me, "He'll be dead by morning."

"...R-really?"

Kirito tilted my face up to smile down at me, "Yes. Really."

I blinked up at him, tears were streaming down my cheeks and I was pretty damn positve my nose was running...I wasn't Ms. Fantastic at the moment but it didn't stop him from leaning forward to whisper something in my ear before placing his lips against mine...in my first real kiss...

"No time for goodbye...Don't put your life in someone's hands...
Their bound to steal it away."

...If only I'd listened to him.

After that...I hated him. I hated everything about him.

----------------------------------------------------

I glared across the room at him. He sat up in his chair now. It had been a week since the occurrence with Viola. Father refused to speak on it with me...But apparently Aiji was working up a team for the job...I hated him too.
At least I still had Jun.

So there I sat, feet underneath me, not really listening to the nonsense and shit everyone else was talking about...which probably wasn't a good idea since-

"Cashel?" I blinked looking up to see Jun smiling down at me, "Cashel? Did you hear what was just said?"

"D-did I what?" I looked around the room, feeling like a complete fool.

"...There was a definite lack of attention on her part, isn't there?" sneered Kirito from his seat, I glared over at him.

"We were discussing the importance of Viola's situation to all of us..." Aiji tuned me in, "And clearly your reaction yesterday shows...how important it was to you." I swallowed, I'd known this was coming but I hadn't thought it would appear so suddenly...

"Um, I, uh-" I tried to find the words.

"She was quite surprised!" my father filled in quickly for me, I lowered my head...glad he'd spoken for me.

"As were we all..." said Jun shaking his head, "I'm afraid her reaction is a worry."

Okay, apparently I don't have Jun on my side.

"She's my cousin!" I argued.

"...Viola and Cashel have grown up together..." Viola's father filled in.

I nodded insanely.

"...It would make sense." Kirito mused aloud, "If you cried about it more openly...hm?" he smiled down at me, and I felt my face grow red...I knew what he was refering too...Me sobbing into his shoulder...as I stood next to Viola's bed...before he kissed...

"I guess what we're asking Cashel..." smiled Jun wearily, "Is...what's more important to you?"

I frowned, "Nani?"

"The family?" Kirito sneered, "Or...Viola?"

"..." I stared mouth agape at all of them, this had to be a sick joke.

"...What..." my father said, losing his voice.

"Ridiculous..." frowned Viola's father.

"What's ridiculous..." Kirito turned to them, "Is that you old assholes are still incharge, hm?"

"...Boy...You shouldn't speak to me-" Viola's father was cut off by a few of Kirito's bodyguards surrounding him, cracking their knuckles...

"It's up too you...What happens here." sneered Kirito, "You can listen to my earlier idea..." he seemed to be referring to something they'd all talked about in secret...and then I noticed his glance turn to me, "and if you accept what I suggested so kindly last time...then you can G.O.A."

"...Boy..." my father was shaking, he wasn't normally made angry but..."I wll not accept-"

Kirito stood from his chair and turned to Aiji and Jun, "Let us...go. Let them decide and think things over for the week..." he smiled to turn back to me..."We'll see you next week...Alright?"

I watched Kirito push Jun and Aiji toward the door...

I stood only to be pushed back down by my father...
Kirito blew me a kiss from the door as it closed behind him.

His words rang so true in my ears...

Don't put your life in someone's hands
Their bound to steal it away...

[Four Shot] No Apologies: G.O.A. -1

Fri, 02 May 2008 20:21:36 GMT

If you feel so empty
So used up, so let down
If you feel so angry
So ripped off so stepped on
If you feel so filthy
So dirty so fucked up
If you feel so walked on
So painful so pissed off

If you feel so empty
So used up, so let down
If you feel so angry
Just get up...

Most Sincerely,
One who G.O.A.

生きてから抜け出す

GOA. Sounds like some fancy Italian word? Doesn't it? ...That's probably because the roots it comes from are more or less that. But it's more like the devil's lingo. The whole world my father works in is just that. The underworld. Or for you people not in the know...The mafia. The Yakuza. Things have to be covered up...Nothing is to be revealed and even for writing this you probably think I have a lot of guts. Well, I won't let you down there. I do. So I'll get this out and you can decide who's side your on...

To begin, GOA. Yeah, you'll get sick of that term easily believe me. I am. I hate it.
It was about a week ago the letter you wrote above came to my house...Via under the doormat. Some coward couldn't even hand it to us...As my father says. But then again, in this business everything is underhanded so I can't really blame them.

The letter is the same as the first one my father, Hidelow received when he was first invited into the business. It's pretty serious stuff. If you couldn't already tell? Heh, so welcome. Pull up a chair and pray to the good god above you don't slip up and wane out someone's incredibly short temper or else you'll be tonights main en tree. No joke. Our chef is pretty sick like that...

GOA...

My father is Hidelow, 2nd branch, head first Yakuza boss leader. Of course, to you I'm sure that was all just rambling. I've lived so long in this mess I feel like I'm just in the know...Not that I'm one of them. Guilty by association is a crime and my father would kill me if he knew I knew this much- Not literally of course. He's really a great guy...for a criminal.

Sincerely,
One who G.O.A.

I don't know when this all started. My father entered when I was only 6. Now, I'm 17. Fantastic, huh? I'm supposed to be anti-social and angry and just plain unhappy with my family life...But I'm not.
I love my father.

"Did you finish your homework?" he smiles at me from down the table, as I stare down at my food...unsure if it's actually chicken...or a ex-member of the family (as I mentioned before)

"Yes. It wasn't a lot so I got it done-" he's eyeing me over his wineglass, not buying my story.

"Really...now?" he taps the glass lightly with a nail, the click clack is a warning...I'm lying and he knows it.

"...I just didn't feel like it." I admit.

"I see," he sighs and puts his glass down. Now most people seeing my father like this would be under the table or running for the door...But he looks up at me and smiles that smile that he's been named "Honest Hidelow" (Kinda like Honest Abe...but it's alliteration at it's best)

"I would've..."I grumbled.

"Well, I suppose school just isn't your thing, kiddo." he nods and I just beam back. Yeah, okay Oprah and Dr. Phil and whoever else wants to challenge my Dad's parenting methods can! But I say what's there to analyze...He's a yakuza boss for christ sake! He does what he wants and I, his kid get the same treatment... I don't complain about the money or the living stature or even the nervous looks I get from kids at school...I don't complain because he doesn't matter to me. I'm not a part of it. My father is.

"I was wondering when the next meeting is?" I gave up on the chicken and nodded for desert. I had a terrible sweet tooth.

"...I believe it's this weekend." my father sips his wine after asking for a refill.

"This weekend, huh?" I smile lightly to myself, "So...I get to see Viola..."

"Yes, your cousin will be there and so will the rest of the family." he says this glancing around the dining room's ceilings...

We have been bugged. I didn't learn until I was informed at the age of 10 what buisness my Dad was in...It was quite a treat. I'll tell you right now, knowing some random FBI agent is looking through those little cameras...watching me eat my chicken/deceased body.

"It'll be quite a nice visit, won't it?" Hidelow chuckles.

"Yeah..." I smile at the table cloth, the sound of our server rushing in to lay down the tray of chocolate cake... Then I dig in.

"Don't pig out, Cashel." Hidelow sighs distastefully, I just murmur my apologies through another nibble of cake.

"...Well, I've had enough." father gets up to leave and as he walks to the exit I know it's my time to leave as well. I get up and quickly follow him, licking the remnants of cake from my lips...

"Delicious." I murmur to the chef as we pass him, he bows.

Father suddenly reaches out a hand and stops me, I pause to blink up at him. He's smiling that crazy smile at the ceiling...in the face of one of those cameras, "Now, Cashel. Say goodnight to our guests...It's only manners."

"Oh!" I blink and quickly spin around to bow like I do everynight to the camera, "Goodnight!"

"Yes, have sweet dreams Agent Nice-to-be-cured-of-ya!" Yes, my father has nicknames for each of the FBI agents watching us...he's a Dad. He's gotta be a little dorky, there all a little weird. Anyway, father bows and turns to me, "Sweet dreams, kiddo."

"Night Dad." I nod and he's off to his study...Meanwhile I stand there thinking this all through...

.........................................................

What haven't I told you? ...Well, I guess I never mentioned that every other week we have a meeting with our relatives. But we can never disclose the exact day or the time or the place...The cameras obviously prove how that would go down...But these meetings are the "family" getting together so the bosses can talk things over and everyone can get familiar with everyone else. It's a little nerve racking...

Lucky for me! I have a cousin who's about my age! She's so sweet and cute!

"...Hello." Well, okay. She's not always like that...Okay, most of the time she's a little creepy. "Hello...Heh...heh...heh..."

"Hm?" I jumped and spun around, I'd been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't even noticed Viola standing beside me, "Viola!" I smiled widely at her...

We were at a secret location, that looks an awful lot like my grandfather's estate for the family meeting...But you know, cameras? Ha! So anyway, Viola has black hair that goes down to about her shoulders...dark eyes and looks very japanese when in comparison I look like nothing...Like my father I apparently look "honest" and "Innocent"...

"...It's nice to see you...Cashel. Did you have...a good...time?" she smiles sweetly and I blink a few times...

"A...good time?" I repeat, tilting my head to the side so my gold brown curly hair (put up neatly for today's occasion behind my head ina neat little ponytail) to tilt to the side...

Viola just smiles, "Yes...Cashel...Father told me...You went on...a school trip?"

I nod quickly, "Yes! It was okay..." I smile back, and we are silent for a minute.

"Look at you both!" sneers a voice that makes my back straighten up and my eyes darken. I turn to face the one and only El Tigre. I hate him...Besides his name sounds like that stupid wrestling cartoon show...Or something dumb like that-

"I don't recall letting you into this conversation!" I snap at him, hands on hips.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWRG!" he snarls, throwing his head about like the animal he claims to be...idiot man. "YOU WANNA FIGHT W'TH ME?"

"It's WITH me. YOU IDIOT." I bark, "It's proper grammar!"

"..." Viola just smiles weakly as I glare down her companion. I don't know why she bothers keeping this guy around! I love her to pieces and this guy is just a piece of no good trash-

"YOU BETTER APOLOGISE-"

"For what?" I sneer, "For pointing out the obvious?"

"Now, now..." laughs a new voice breaking into the huddle this one makes me fold my arms and pout...

Yet another person in my family I love more then life, Jun. He is the 5th branch, of the mafia bosses. His sweet little smile and cute chubby cheeks would never lead you to think he's actually in the business.

"WHY'S YOU INTERRUPT!?" snapped El Tigre, "Little missy doesn't need you to fight her battle-"

"It's true." I point out.

"I know!" laughs Jun, but his smile never fades away, "I'm just saying now is not the time to start this...Everyone's nerves are whackey right now since the meeting is gonna start and you all-"

I notice he's right...Observant as ever Jun. The whole room of the family and new members are watching us. It seems like a temper tantrum and it's making the buisness look like a joke. Stupid fool is making me make my father look bad!

"Right. Then I'm done here." I turn away, but with head still held high to sit on the couch.

Now, if you don't know by now from movies or radio or whatever that in this work you can't always get out scott free. Especially when you started something. Or especially when it was with someone with as small a temper fuse as his brain...And of course now El Tigre isn't done with me.

"WHAT MAKES YOU THI'NK I'M D'NE!" he spits in my face...I stare face forward, not meeting his gaze even though he's right in my face...

"I don't care." I say simply, trying to remain quiet and not raise my voice.

"..." Viola looks like she wants to say something-

But then, CRACK! El Tigre is flat out on his back on the red carpet under my feet. No, I can't take a guy like that out...But the 4th branch mafia boss, Aiji-sama can. He slowly raises his tall figure to glare down blankly at his opponent. "We told you to be quiet." he reminds the beat on the floor who's still growling.

"...I'm not so sure that was necessary." said Jun in a small murmur shaking his head at Aiji.

"Is picking fights with little girls really the best you can do?" Aiji grunts.

"...I'm not a little..." I begin to say but catch Jun's shake of the head for me to be good and keep quiet.

"Why you-" El Tigre is starting to rise and then the door he's standing in front of swings open and a very annoyed young man barges through the door, knocking him down again this time for good.

"Sorry I'm late- I didn't know..." the man pauses to see the body on the floor...He has many tattoos all over his arms and blonde messy hair...He was obviously in a rush because he's just trying to straighten out his suit which is ridiculous...No one really wears suits to these things...That's only for jobs. My father and his workers hate them. Plus, they don't need them to appear...Well, frightening. Jeans and a T-shirt is fine. With a rather expensive jacket or whatever for your top...This guy is clearly a newbie. We get those...

See, when someone gets the letter I previously mentioned. It means someone did successfully G.O.A. Which in turn means we need to get someone new to replace them...This tends to take research and is the department my father is best at.

"...Uh, I'm not sure...what..." the guy seems totally lost. Oh, and terrified! That's the other word I was looking for. After all, he probably thinks he could of knocked out a mafia boss right there!

"Don't worry, kid." the snarky voice makes my head slink down into my neck and swallow...He is the only one that has every truly fooled me...The only one who's really taught me what this buisness is all about...

The newbie gets the arm of the snarky man put around his shoulders. "You didn't hit anyone important." his voice...It's like a silk net that's just waiting to capture you and twist it's lies and cynical ideas down your throat until you drown-

"N-not anyone...important?" sighs the young man obviously relieved.

"We all get to hit him around..." the snarky shakes his head of black luscious hair and pale perfect skin, his arm still around the newbie flex unintentionally with the marks of his own tattoos...A sun rising on his arm muscle. "What's your name...?"

This guy, Mr. Snarky? Is Kirito-sama...He is the 6th and final mafia boss. In case you were wondering...My Father is Mafia boss 2 and Viola's father is 1. Out of all mafia bosses the one I can't stand is Kirito...Kirito...

"Uh...um....uh..." the newbie is terrified and looks around the room, obviously not sure of what to reveal...

"...So you are?" Jun stepped forward, pushing Kirito away. He's better at this newbie greeting stuff like my Dad since he looks so kind...

"I'm Kyo." the man finally gets out.

"Kyo?" frowns Jun.

"Like....Meow?" jeers Kirito. I roll my eyes at his ingenius joke.

"...Just Kyo." he growls.

"Aw, he even sounds like a kitty-" jeers Kirito and I can't help but wish this whole situation would go away...

"It's KYO." Kyo repeats and Kirito sneers, "Just KYO."

I'm glad just then that the doors to the meeting room swung open and my father and Viola's exit. Both seem quite pleased with whatever they'd be conversing about-

"NOW!" beams my father, he's the voice to the mafia and he's a s boisterous as ever, I've never been more proud of him! "We will start the family meeting! All gather around!"
I feel a tap on my shoulder and realise I'm in Aiji's seat...

"Uh, gomen!" I announce and move quickly to bow my head. Aiji just grips my shoulder suddenly making me stiffen. In the business don't trust anyone. I stare up at him wondering what he wants...

He just...squeezes my shoulder and smiles that sad little smile.

I just nod and quickly pass him to sit on the floor, next to Viola. Both of us cross our feet underneath us and sit, backs straight watching the meeting quietly.

All the bosses get the big red armchairs situated around the room...Anyone else depending on their situation in the family sit farther away or closer on the black carpet below. I sit right beside my father's chair. Viola sits next to her father's, the two chairs are on either side of us.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see that new boy, Kyo trying to figure out where to sit...I feel bad for him...So I hiss, "The wall!" he stops and blinks at me, I nudge my head and quickly turn my head back to the front...Can't trust anyone. Still he listens to me and pulls up against the wall correctly.

"...Too start off." says my father, eyeing the room, "We shall have the explanation of our latest incident with Ms. Viola-" I blink and turn to my cousin. I wasn't aware of any of this! What about her?

The hush is demeaning for me as Viola rises from her spot beside me and stands in the center of the room, everyone's eyes on her...I've never experienced this. Not ever! And I'm so thankful! ...El Tigre growls a little from his spot in the back near the wall...

"...Tell us, Viola. What happened with this court appearance?" the words make me gulp as she closes her eyes slowly, "Viola?" my father insists.

"...I felt...betrayed." she said quietly.

"Betrayed?" Jun blinked, this sort of emotional thing was his piece of cake. "By who?"

"Last time I check this wasn't therapy." snarled Kirito, leaning against his hand and glaring at Viola, "Why should it matter by who?"

"...A lesson needs to be taught." Viola's father is quick on the uptake, glaring at Kirito. After all, Kirito is practically his prodigy.

"And it will be." sneered Kirito, "The lawyer will be dead."

"The lawyer didn't do anything, Kirito." my father frowns at the insolence of the young man.

"Well, Hidelow..." growled Kirito, "What do you think should be done?"

"...Clearly..." Viola interrupts and I watch her giggle, "...I need to be taken care of."

I can't help but choke on my own breath, staring mouth agape. The room is completely swallowed in silence...

"What...could you mean? Viola?" frowned Aiji, his eyes are boring into her...He will get the truth out of her and I know it may not be something I want to hear.

"..." another giggle as she raised her head definatly, "I've died before..." she reminds all of us, "I died and yet...here I am."

"Viola..." I whisper.

She smiles widely, "And so...I think I need to finish my time. Don't you?"

"...no." I try to breathe but I know it's not loud enough.

"...Please." she smiles, "I think I want this."

The silence lasts as suddenly it's broken by that laugh, that laugh that makes my teeth grind, "Is it?!" Kirito shakes his head and glares her down, "You want to die?"

"...I think...so."

"Then, we will grant you your wish."

"NO! KIRITO!" I nod firmly to myself as the main mafia boss, Viola's father steps forward, "SHE WILL NOT DIE." he bellows.

"...Is this..." Kirito sneers, "one who goes against the family, I hear?"

"...No one has agreed with you, boy." snapped the old man, Viola's father is glaring Kirito down...

"...Viola? Is this...really what you wish?" Aiji washes her carefully, I stare up at him, begging him to look at me, see me...Don't let this happen! AIJI! PLEASE!

Viola smiled straight into Aiji's eyes and nodded her cute little smile.

"VIOLA!" I shout along with her father, my voice is working. I stand up and the hush only grows at my action...

"Cashel..." I hear Jun murmur...my father's arm is out gripping my arm in a death grip...

"VIOLA! PLEASE!" I begged my cousin, "You can't! PLEASE!" I was shaking and tears were stinging at my eyes, I looked like a fool...but what she was asking for!

"..." the mafia boss was staring at me, as if he'd never seen me before...

"VIOLA!" I shouted again, she just shook her head.

"I have too..." she said.

"But why?" I muttered.

Viola's eyes darkened and she gently reached out to me, tugging on a spare strand of gold brown hair, I knew my hazel green eyes were wider then wide...

"...This is my last time..." she said.
I shook my head to show I didn't understand, "This is my last time to do what I want." her smile made me want to sick into nothing, I just couldn't understand...

"please...listen to yourself!" I pleaded, her father was beside me nodding along.

"...I..." she let go of that strand and looked over to Aiji, Jun, and Kirito...then my father and then at me again, "...It's hard to imagine..." she said as if seeing something I couldn't, "But one day...you'll end up like me." then as they were taking her away by the guards and all time and faces faded away from me...

She said, "Get out alive..."

Or in mafia terms... G.O.A.

BABIES!~ BLOGCREW.

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 16:21:42 GMT

Guess what?
THE CASHEL. In case you didn't know...that's my name. XD;
I like Cashes though. Cashes sounds cooler... >>
So anyway, I MADE A NEW BLOGCREW! Interested? Good.

Here's my idea...

→♡ Congratulations! Am I right? I'm pregnant with [Claim guy here] 's here baby and they'll have [Guy's Feature claim] just like their dear daddy!~ ♥ ♥ ♡←

I'm claiming Masuda Takahisa of NewS and Kirito of Pierrot. Big surprise. Eh?

REQUESTS and on hold for F-list:
Ynaoblivious- Tegoshi Yuya of NewS & Tegomass and Ryo of Kanjani8
kissme_deadly_x - Shou of alice nine.
sashyacute - Matsumoto Jun of Arashi
tesshi_o8 - Yamashita Tomohisa of NewS

------------------- RULES (HAVE CHANGED SLIGHTLY)
<3- 2 claims per person at the most (liable to change when I become less lazy~ As slots fill up...
<3- 1 person per Jrock/Jpop/Japanese entertainment person (THIS MEANS Tegoshi Yuya of NewS and TEGOMASS are the same person)
<3- THERE ARE NOW SLOTS. It's up to 4 people per one Jman!~ Go crazy! ^_^
<3- First come first serve. Don't whine. Not interested.
<3- My friends list is getting requests...And yes there spots reserved. Gomen.
<3- I'm claiming Masuda Takahisa of NewS! and Kirito ex Pierrot member. ♥ So hahahaha.
<3- And to show you've read the rules put in,
"It's A GIRL! BUY SOME PINK SHIT!"
<3- Don't forget to fill in both your claim information and the information for the "feature" the baby will have based off your claim! ♥
Claim!~ ♥
UNDERLINE = FULL

Claim List

Arashi
-Matsumoto Jun ~ sashyacute Eyes
-Ohno Satoshi ~ amethystdream3 Singing Voice
-Sakurai Sho ~ amethystdream3 Eyes

NewS
-Masuda Takahisa ~ nobodylovesu Dimples! & zyjean24 Goofiness & junn0_mei Eyes
-Yamashita Tomohisa ~ tesshi_o8 Lips
-Tegoshi Yuya ~ ynaoblivious Singing Voice & sashyacute
-Ryo Nishikido ~ ynaoblivious Smile & nryo Eyes & junno_aiba88 face
-Kato Shigeaki ~ kinoko Smile & oystersauce87 Eyes
-Koyama Keiichiro ~ se7engdragon Eyes
-Kusano Hironori ~ haruhilj Singing Voice

TEGOMASS
-Masuda Takahisa ~ nobodylovesu Dimples! & zyjean24 Goofiness & junn0_mei Eyes
-Tegoshi Yuya ~ ynaoblivious Singing Voice & sashyacute

Kanjani8
-Ryo Nishikido ~ ynaoblivious Smile & nryo Eyes & junno_aiba88
-Ohkura Tadayoshi ~ junn0_mei Good Looks

KAT-TUN
-Akanishi Jin ~ martaeruroraito Lips & lovemelody & kuroiusagi93 Hips & oystersauce87 Lips
-Ueda Tatsuya ~ misakii Smile & fujaya Good Looks
-Nakamaru Yuichi ~ lizzfan Smile
-Tanaka Koki ~ xchiyo Eyes
-Kamenashi Kazuya ~ tensaimaterial Smile
-Junnosuke Taguchi ~ junno_aiba88 Smile

Kis-My-Ft2
-Fujigaya Taisuke ~ yuya_lovah Lips
-Nikaido Takashi ~ kate64100 Smile

Hey! Say! JUMP!
-Okamoto Keito ~ apdsqueaky Eyes
-Yabu Kota ~ sportznutt7 Smile
-Yamada Ryosuke ~ kinomoto_narika Hip rolling Skills
-Hikaru Yaotome ~ yamapi_chan Smile

OThers
-Toma Ikuta ~ carcrashheart_8 Smile

Johnny's Jrs
-Hashimoto Ryosuke ~ xxaibaxl0v3xx Hips

alice nine.
-Shou ~ kissme_deadly_x Singing Voice & yumi382 Lips

The Gazette
-Reita ~ xxkuroihoshixx Eyes & yumi382 Voice
-Aoi ~ lifeisnyaa Looks

Dio-Distraught Overlord
-Mikaru ~ nono23q Eyes

Dir En Grey
-Shinya ~ rawr_bakemono

SuG
-Takeru ~ lifeisnyaa Smile

Pierrot
-Kirito ~ nobodylovesu Dashing Good Looks

Tohoshinki
-Jung Yunho ~ geummi

Solo
-Miyavi ~ akc925 Mad Guitar Skills

Code: BE GOOD AND DON'T COPY UNTIL I ACCEPT YOU!~ ♥

Via Drive Thru blogcrew!~

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 19:53:07 GMT

→♡ NO JOKE! [Claim guy here] got a new job at McDonalds and was trying to MOLEST ME via drive thru!~ ♥ ♡←

Yes, this is my first blogcrew. But the idea came to me after listening to Dane Cook...Dunno him? Don't like him? Your weird. XD;
So...anyway..Here it is. My first try. I dunno if it fails or not. ^^; But claiming rules are simple enough:

<3- 1 claim per person at the most
<3- 1 person per Jrock/Jpop/ Japanese entertainment person
<3- First come first serve. Don't whine. Not interested.
<3- My friends list is getting requests...And yes there spots reserved. Gomen.
<3- I'm claiming Masuda Takahisa of NewS! ♥ So hahahaha.
<3- And to show you've read the rules put in,
"I'm lovin it!"
Claim!~ ♥

----------------------------------------------------------

Reserved List:
Tegoshi Yuya
Ryo Nishikido
Shou of alice nine.

CLAIM LIST---

Arashi
-Ohno Satoshi ~ amethystdream3
- Sakurai Sho ~ tensaimaterial

NEWS
-Yamashita Tomohisa ~ martaeruroraito
-Koyama Keiichiro ~ lovemelody
-Kato Shigeaki ~ sere_chan
-Masuda Takahisa ~ nobodylovesu
-Uchi Hiroki ~ xwhimsyx
-Ryo Nishikido ~ ynaoblivious
-Kusano Hironori ~ xchiyo
-Tegoshi Yuya ~ tesshi_o8

TEGOMASS
-Masuda Takahisa ~ nobodylovesu
-Tegoshi Yuya ~ tesshi_o8

KAT-TUN
-Akanishi Jin ~ vampirextears
-Ueda Tatsuya ~ fujaya
-Kamenashi Kazuya ~ se7engdragon
-Tanaka Koki ~ bakabanri

Kanjani8
-Uchi Hiroki ~ xwhimsyx
-Ohkura Tadayoshi ~ junn0_mei
-Yasuda Shota ~ saru_desu
-Ryo Nishikido ~ ynaoblivious
-Shibutani Subaru ~ tumppu

Kis-My-Ft2
-Fujigaya Taisuke ~ yuya_lovah
-Nikaido Takashi ~ kate64100

Hey!Say!JUMP?
-Hikaru Yaotome ~ yamapi_chan
-Yamada Ryosuke ~ xxaibaxl0v3xx
-Takaki Yuya ~ kinomoto_narika
-Yabu Kota ~ sportznutt7
-Okamoto Keito ~ apdsqueaky

Johnny's Jrs
-Ikuta Toma ~ silver881
-Watanabe Shota ~ ayau3

alice nine.
-Shou ~ kissme_deadly_x
-Saga ~ loveholic18

The Gazette
-Reita ~ xxkuroihoshixx
-Ruki ~ yumi382

Dio-distraught overlord
-Mikaru ~ nono23q

Actors
-Oguri Shun ~ songness
-Matsuda Shota ~ rinse

Code: BE GOOD AND DON'T COPY UNTIL I ACCEPT YOU!~ ♥